Freedom Fighters
by JoyfulMariska
Summary: The darkest moment in the history of SVU has taken Olivia Benson into the unknown, with 48 hours to be alone with the very face of evil. Season 14 finale.
1. The Darkness Awaits

Olivia turned the key in the lock before opening the door to her apartment. She slouched beneath the stress of the past four days, her eyes tiring of three-hour nights. The man they were chasing was clever, and he was out there tonight, a danger to every living person in New York City. He was supposed to have been tailed - the police department, however, was not notified until too late that he had posted bail.

All they were waiting for was another attack. Maybe they'd finally get him; maybe he'd leave something behind with his next victim. She sighed, closing the door behind her and flipping the light switch on. Even in the faint light of the kitchen, she froze, feeling a presence. The silence screamed in her ears. She chuckled, shaking her head as she placed her bags on the counter.

_Now you're just being paranoid,_ she thought.

There had been no sign of forced entry, nothing out of place in her apartment. Her eyes were so heavy that she let them rest for a moment while she took a drink of water after she filled her glass, and leaned against the counter. It was when she heard a small tap that she was alert again. Placing her glass down on the granite, she put her hand on her gun, walking slowly out of the kitchen.

Could it be Cassidy? She took a deep breath. He liked to surprise her. She played along with his game.

"Hello?" She said aloud while stepping around the pillar.

Nothing but silence answered her. Her heart began to slow, and she relaxed her grip on her gun. She expected her love to step out from the shadows, smiling at her with a glass of wine.

Then he was there. Adrenaline washed through her so fast she thought she was going to pass out. She was looking down the barrel of a gun, frozen as she stared into the wild eyes of him: The Beast.

"Come on, Detective Benson."

He let his teeth show behind his curled lips as he spoke in a disappointed, mocking tone. Her breath came in loud, deep exhales as her tongue lay helpless, shriveled like a fish out of water in the dry bed of her mouth. Her blackened eyes darted nervously between the darkness of the gun's barrel and the even more intense darkness in his face.

His smile faded as he pushed the gun closer to her clammy skin. If she moved, she'd be killed. There was no escape for her, so she stood in fear at his mercy. The cool metal touched her chin as she watched his mouth morph into an angry, gritted frown. Her breathing came labored as she begged him with her eyes, silently imploring him not to do what he was about to do.

Her heart pounded so hard she thought she'd have a heart attack. He pushed the gun harder into her neck, reaching his free hand to roughly grab her right arm. She jumped at the contact he made as he grabbed her, nearly taking her off her feet as he wrapped her in his strong grip.

* * *

Fin sat next to Amanda as she finished her second drink. He could tell her mind was till on The Beast. He could still feel her mood, sitting at the bottom of a deep-sea crevice, letting air bubbles of anger slip to the surface.

"Come on, Amanda. We'll get him somehow."

She shook her head and put her head back, her eyes momentarily on the ceiling before she looked at her partner. She was not about to hide her attitude, which was spiraling downward.

"With what? We have nothing, Fin."

She was filled with anger, hatred, exhaustion, and above all, fear.

"We will find a way. Listen, we gotta let this play out for a while. There's nothin' we can do."

Amanda, working her hands around her glass, felt the worry creeping into her body. She hesitated, but spoke what was on her mind.

"You think he'll go after one of us?"

Fin sighed, straightening.

"Nah. He's smarter than that. Bastard knows we would shoot him dead if he showed up at one of our doors."

She shook her head.

"That's the thing. He's smart - too smart. We wouldn't be waiting for him; he'd be waiting for us."

Fin felt the concern sink its teeth into his skin as well, the venom spreading quickly through his blood.

"We're big kids. We'll get him - just maybe not today. Come on; if he's waiting for you, I'll be ready to put a bullet in his skull."

Amanda let him pay for her drinks before they left.

* * *

Captain Cragen sat silently in his office, watching the young officers. He felt a weight pulling at his heart. It was odd watch the activity in his precinct and not seeing his detectives, his family working hardest of all. A feeling of uneasiness settled upon him. Something felt wrong. He straightened.

He had let his detectives go home alone. Why? Immediately, he took out his cell and dialed the one for whom he feared the most. The phone rang and rang. On the third ring, she picked up.

"Benson." Her voice was defeated, exhausted.

"Liv. Just calling to be sure you made it home alright."

A breath.

"Yeah. I'm just tired."

* * *

His gun was pressed into the back of her neck, inches from her spinal cord. She had to lie or he would kill her.

"I'm going to get some sleep, Don."

She hung up, hoping he had noticed something was off. She stood in the kitchen, facing the wall. He had not laid a hand on her - yet. When the phone had rang, he had thrown her back into the kitchen.

"What do you want?" She asked firmly.

He chuckled, chilling her to the bone with his comment.

"Whatever you've got."

He mocked her, using her words from their previous encounter. He followed behind her as he pushed her towards the bedroom, both swallowed by the darkness. He stopped.

"Turn around."

She did so slowly, coming face to face with his gun. He swung it, the metal smashing into her cheek bone. The pain seared through her face like electricity as the blow set her off balance. He threw her to the bed, leveling her like a linebacker would. The back of her knees hit the wood at the foot of her bed hard, and she was crushed as he landed on top of her.

* * *

Cragen hung up only to pick up the phone and call his other detectives.

He hadn't noticed.

She was as good as dead.

* * *

Nick sat down a the supper table as Cynthia poured Gil a glass of milk. It was a late supper, but a family supper nonetheless. She smiled over at him before sitting down at the head of the small table. They joined hands and said grace before they began to eat. Cynthia noticed Nick's exhaustion.

"Rough case?" She asked quietly.

He glanced at Gil and nodded.

"Yeah. But it's not our problem anymore. Judge threw it out. The guy's back on the streets." He replied.

"You have fun at the game today, bud?"

Nick wanted to changed the subject. It made him sick thinking about what Lewis could be doing to another woman at that very moment. If only he knew.

* * *

Across the city, Lewis pinned Olivia to the bed, his knees on her wrists as she struggled beneath him.

"I'm gonna make you scream."

He leaned down, pushing his lips on hers. She turned away from the contact, angering him. He tore her shirt in half and sent buttons flying everywhere as he exposed her. He grabbed at her hands, forcing them above her head. She was no match for his strength. Her wrists were tied to a spindle in her headboard, leaving her vulnerable, and painfully aware of the reality of the situation she was in.

This was bad. In her slacks and bra, she struggled. She planned to fight until he killed her.

The weight was gone, "Sit tight."

Her breathing became erratic and her chest heaved quickly. She had to think - fast - or she was going to end up just like Alice. Except she knew she wouldn't make it out alive. That lady hadn't done anything but take a picture of him. Olivia had attempted to put him in prison for the rest of his life.

She'd made his life hell. And if she escaped from the maniac, that was exactly where she planned to send him - even if she had to take her own gun and end his life herself.

* * *

Nick knew his orders to leave Olivia alone, but as he sat with his son and Cynthia, he couldn't help but listen to his heart as it told him something was wrong.

"Sorry. I'll just be a minute."

Nick held up his hand as he left the dining room for the living room. Olivia's phone rang and her voice message came on. He pressed her number again, again, and again. She wasn't answering. He paused. There were many reasons Olivia wouldn't pick up her phone, and he started back to the table. But he stopped, the feeling even heavier than before. He jumped into action.

"I have to go."

He was out the door and driving away in moments. Hesitant to blow a small situation into a large one, Nick arrived at her apartment building alone.

* * *

Lewis had stepped back into her bedroom with one of her dish rags, twisted into a gag. He smiled as he kneeled on the bed, straddling her and bending down to put it in her mouth.

She wasn't going to beg or even speak to him, not willing to give him satisfaction of any kind. She lifted her head and gave him a sultry glare as he tied the rag bend her head.

"You're going to be the best I've ever had."

He got so close to her, his breath on her face. Olivia, her mouth unable to close, swallowed and closed her lips, still holding his gaze. He had fire in his eyes, which made her shudder. What was he going to do to her? He held her eyes in his own as he leaned down and kissed her chest.

He turned his full attention to his work as Olivia looked up at the ceiling. Her mind struggled to think of anything else as her assaulter continued. His kisses moved down her left breast. When he reached the soft flesh, Lewis bit down - hard. Olivia could not hold in a cry of surprise and immense pain as he sunk his teeth into her.

She'd never forgive herself. She'd given him what he wanted.


	2. Fight Until Death

"Like that, huh?"

He chuckled to himself, pleased to hear the pain in her muffled cry. He'd been waiting to hear her like that ever since he'd set his eyes on her in the interrogation room.

"We're going to have a lot of fun."

His soft kisses led to another primitive bite. Her mind raced. It hurt - a pain mixed with an awful feeling of shame. She was, however, unwilling to dip into a state of helplessness. Olivia focused, moving her fingers around the bindings that held her wrists tied together, fastened to her headboard. She had no chance of undoing the knot he had conjured up.

Her heart pounded hard when he bit her again. She had to fight back, but he sat in a position that made every offensive move of hers impossible. She couldn't do anything - yet. He shifted his body weight, lifting himself off of her.

"I'll be back."

She was alone in the room again. Olivia moved to the side of the bed, stepping off and turning around so she could see her hands. She made sure her back was not to where The Beast would soon make his reappearance. Her heart beat faster than before. If he came through that door - with God-knows what - she would have spent her last chance to escape. He would kill her if she laid there as his victim. She'd rather be killed in the fight of her life to get away.

Olivia glanced at her wrists, pulling them violently. Her blood froze. This would be it. If he heard her, it was over. The headboard had a row of spindles, one of which she was bound by. Each two or so inches thick, she felt she could break free if she used enough force. Hell, she was Olivia Benson. She had cracked doors she had kicked. Her foot pressed against the wood, ready to kick. She swallowed nervously. If it did work, her plan would leave her free, but with hands still bound. Her brain told her it was to her advantage to fight one-armed than tied to a bed. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

Was this really happening? Or would she find herself waking up in the very bed to which she was now tied, finding it was all a nightmare. Olivia drew back and kicked with all the strength she had in her. The post cracked. She was free. Now needing time to free her hands, Olivia ran around the bed and locked the bathroom door, staring back at its wood in the bathroom. She flipped the light switch, already hearing The Beast's voice shouting from the kitchen. It choked her as she the smell of a hot stove filled her nostrils. She had almost no time.

As if in slow motion, Liv threw herself in the bathtub, hoping to be protected from the inevitable bullets that would fly through the door in mere seconds. Her hands grabbed for the razor resting on the porcelain. She hissed in pain as she plastic broke apart and the blade sliced her. The handle rattled before the gun went off four or five times. She wasn't sure which. Her concentration was on her wrists.

She sliced at the cloth, blood now spilling from her fingers. It was working, but it hurt so badly Olivia had to bite her lip to keep from yelling. More shots were fired. She hunkered down farther. The shots stopped. He was listening to see if she was down. Six bullet holes left her door splintered - weakened. Olivia, free at last, lifted herself out of the tub silently and reached for her ceramic soap dispenser.

She had only gotten a good grip on it when he slammed himself into the door. It opened, sending him flying into the bathroom. She, at that moment, saw something she never had in his face: surprise. His gun was at his side as he looked at her. Olivia took the only opportunity she saw. The soap dispenser shattered with the incredible force she used to bring it down on his skull and he struggled to regain his balance and stand up straight.

That was it; her weapon was gone. But her assailant was now off-balance. The blow sent him against the cabinets on the right side of her bathroom. Olivia swung again, reaching for the gun as she pressed her whole body on his. Her fingers were inches from the glock when he jerked his hand upward and slammed the metal into her nose. The pain brought immediate tears to her eyes and dizziness to her head. She stumbled backwards out of the bathroom, her nose throbbing as it sent blood down her lips and off her chin.

He rose quicker than she thought he should have after a blow like the one she'd just given him. She stood on the floor staring back at the gun he held again. There was still plenty of fight in her. She wouldn't stop until he put the trigger and put a bullet in her skull.

Olivia thought quickly and brought her leg up, hitting him hard in the groin. The sudden move caused her to lose her balance and topple sideways, out of his gun's range as it went off again. Lewis went down to a hunched position of pain. Olivia forgot about the gun he held and decided to get to her own.

Her legs took her to the kitchen where she'd set her groceries. Groceries. Just twenty minutes before, she had been just about to relax on a normal night. How things changed.

Her hands fumbled around the counter, trying to convince her eyes that they were wrong when she didn't see her gun. She had lost it when Lewis had made her answer Cragen's phone call.

It was gone. He had taken it. Her eyes darted around in the small light her kitchen gave. Her hands fumbled around. She knocked her groceries to the floor, alarmed by the crimson staining the counter everywhere she touched. Then he was there again, running at her full-speed. Her body almost froze. She felt it go rigid as he raised his gun.

She felt along the counter again. Damn faulty contacts. The shot never came, but he did. He slammed his body into hers, backing her painfully into the counter. He put the gun on her throat as she struggled against him. They were dead-locked. The Beast, anger clouding his vision, pressed her into the counter farther. Olivia tried even harder to move as she felt the heat filtering up from the stove-top.

* * *

Nick jogged up the four floors of stairs to Olivia's room only thirty minutes after his odd feeling had taken control. The closer he got to her door, the stronger the feeling got. He had his hand on his gun as he approached her door. Her blood-curdling scream ripped through the air just as he was about to make contact with the door.

Nick felt his heart now beating from the back of his throat, his mind going so fast he could feel it shutting down, giving up its task of sorting his thoughts. His gun was out as he took a deep breath.

* * *

Olivia had let the scream erupt from deep within her as her back made contact with one of the hot burners on the stove. He smiled at her pain, her hand clawing at his face as he held her on the heat source. She used what she had left to lean up farther away from the heat.

Olivia swung her left hand and clipped his jaw. He used his superior strength to swing her around and throw her out of the small kitchen. She hit the wall of the hallway heavily, soon finding herself pinned by his weaponed hand and his free one.

"You - little - bitch."

She struggled against him, feeling her end nearing.

"I've heard - worse."

Her groin-headed leg was kicked back to the ground as the sound of the door being kicked in echoed in their ears. Neither even took notice.

* * *

Nick kicked the door in and threw himself into the dimly lit apartment.

"Liv?"

He found William Lewis pinning her against the wall of her hallway. Her nose was dark, her entire face beneath it covered in dark blood. Her hands lost the same fluid as it leaked from above her head and traveled downward in eerie streaks. He was too scared to move. Olivia stomped hard on his foot and turned to run. She met Nick's eyes for only a moment. He realized he had frozen. His gun shook in his hand as he stared open-mouthed at his partner and that villain. He saw the gun in the other man's hands, and he knew he stood no chance of saving her if he only stood there, waving his.

Olivia had a look of desperation in her face as he stood there, doing nothing to help. Then she was running away from him, her back muscles tense under the pressure she felt. He saw The Beast catch Olivia from behind and put an arm around her throat. He swung her around, taking her off the ground, so she faced Nick again. It was like he was stuck watching a movie, helpless to assist the characters a world away. He could see the muscles tighten in Lewis' arm as he grabbed her around her midsection and neck. The Beast didn't even care that another person stood, a gun pointed at him. He wanted her, and only her. Nick had never felt so helpless.

Her frustration maxed out. Nick was standing, doing absolutely nothing to help her. She had to get a word out before Lewis' arm cut off her air.

"Nick!" Her strangled yell escaped.

She kicked as he lifted her into the air. He threw her to the ground and pointed the gun at her. The air was gone from her lungs and she rolled in agony as she tried to replenish it. She awaited the kill shot.

Nick took him down as The Beast's finger tightened on the trigger. Olivia breathed hard as she got to her feet and grabbed for her phone on the kitchen floor where Lewis had dropped it. She pushed Cragen's speed dial and press it to her ear, shifting her feet nervously.

Nick struggled with Lewis. She heard the coffee table shatter with one of the men's body weight. Her head spun so fast she thought she'd soon find herself on the floor. Her captain answered.

"Liv?"

"I need backup and EMS at my apartment. 10-13. 10-13."

She heard her voice shaking as she yelled. Olivia said no more. The phone dropped to the floor again as she did. Her hands wrenched the cupboard open, looking for the gun safe in her cabinet. Her fingers flew over the combination lock and she found herself standing, armed with a gun. Lewis swung at her partner just alongside the coffee table's shards. She raised her weapon.

"Put your hands up, Lewis, or I swear to God I'll put a bullet in your brain!"

Her yell left her throat at high-speed. She focused her attention on his head. If he held his position for a few seconds, she could pull the trigger. The fight continued as Lewis, twenty-five pounds up on her partner, threw Nick, turning the couch over backward.

She stood no chance as his hand wheeled a lamp, smashing her in the abdomen. The movement had her trigger finger pull as she bent over in horrible pain. The shot splintered into the ceiling. He slammed into her again. Her brain couldn't fathom how he had moved so quickly, or worse yet, how she had moved so slowly. But however he did it, he was back on top of her, holding her bleeding hands above her head, her aching body easily accessible to him.

Nick's rage blinded him as he struggled to his feet on the floor in the living room. The sick man was on top of his partner as she lay vulnerable and helpless. His gun was gone. Nick wished for more light; the darkness had disarmed him. Without a second thought, Nick ran at Lewis like a madman. He threw himself on top of The Beast, suffocating Olivia with over 300 pounds of man. Nick's arms wrapped themselves around his neck as Olivia struggled to breathe.

Lewis had his hands on her own neck as her partner squeezed the man's above her. She felt the air unable to move in her lungs, and welcomed the black spots in her vision. Her life was being extinguished as a candle beneath the pressure of the invisible force of nothingness as its air supply diminished.

The wick was burning short. She closed her eyes, not able to feel her body any longer. The sounds disappeared into a vacuum of sound and the sights into a blur of light. Her head tilted to the side, and she was gone.


	3. Waiting Between Worlds

Nick had gotten an elbow to the face after his partner had been suffocated in front of him. His grip had not been strong enough to incapacitate the invincible man, discouraging Nick even farther. He could see one outcome, and only one. It kept replaying in his mind, in front of his eyes.

They wouldn't make it out alive if they didn't get help soon. His partner's motionless body only came into sight when Nick stumbled backward in pain as Lewis' elbow made contact with his nose. She looked vacant, as if her soul had left her body.

Oh God. She couldn't be dead. He couldn't have killed her. His thoughts were turned to more energy for him to fight. Lewis turned on him, but Nick threw a strong punch and caught him in the jaw.

* * *

Olivia blinked up toward the ceiling two minutes after being nearly killed - again. The sounds of glass shattering met her ears yet again, terrifying her and wrenching her back into the very real situation she and her partner were in.

Her throbbing head made it so hard to see straight. When she got to her feet slowly, the entire room spun, her eyes still having spots in their vision yet to return. She put her hand on the counter, guiding herself back to where she knew her gun had been taken by the toe of Lewis' foot.

She bent down in slow motion, shadows threatening her sanity. Her legs were heavy. She wished she was still sleeping, or at least her body did.

Nick was backed into the same wall Olivia had been pinned to when he'd discovered her under attack. Lewis threw a fist through the dry wall as Nick dodged it. Seeing his partner on her feet again gave him a fleeting feeling of relief. He threw the strongest punch he could in return, and hit Lewis in the temple. The Beast staggered a little in dizziness.

Olivia saw him stagger backwards, and she raised her gun, aiming to kill him. She pointed the gun at him, and he turned with another blow from Nick, his gun aimed at her again. He hadn't seen her standing up, but when he did, it was already too late to undo what his finger had done. He fired blindly as an involuntary movement had his finger squeeze the trigger. He fired blindly, wheeling his arm quickly.

Her mouth opened as the shot exploded from the muzzle of the metal killing machine. The pain erupted in her shoulder like a fire, spreading as the fibers of her skin were torn apart.

Nick didn't see where she'd been hit, but he knew right away that she had been. As Lewis threw another punch at him, he swung again, glancing over at her. Her left arm clutched her shoulder, her eyes showing her pain. Blood began to run down her arm and drip onto the floor. He swung so hard at Lewis as his anger grew and he exploded. The punches came one after another, smashing the man in the face hard over and over again. He had to get to her. And he had to get away from him.

Olivia put her hand on the wound before removing it, checking to see if she was, in fact, dying. The hole was large enough for her to stick her finger in, which she refrained from doing for fear of passing out. The pain was different than anything she'd ever felt. She'd been on the job for 14 years, and she had never been shot. It was her turn.

She couldn't tell if her wound was mortal, but she felt her dizziness return with a vengeance. Her hand dropped the gun, too numb to clutch anything. The lenses through which her eyes saw the fight began to darken at the edges. She closed her eyes in pain, thinking that maybe squinting them shut as tight as she could would take the pain away. Her feet took her backward until she hit the front of the counter. Her knees buckled, and she slid downward to the floor.

Nick was hit in the face again as his mind wandered from the fight. Olivia had gone down on the floor. She was holding her shoulder still, her face twisted in agony. Nick threw a punch at Lewis, smashing his nose upward with the heel of his hand. The Beast's eyes clouded with tears as he shrunk backward, holding his nose.

Nick took the opportunity, hitting him even harder in the stomach, bringing him down to his own level. Then, he swung his foot into the air, catching Lewis on the right side of the head. The Beast had finally met his match, and he crumpled to the ground unconscious. Nick took his handcuffs off of his belt (thankfully he hadn't yet taken them off) and pulled Lewis' arms above his head, cuffing him to the pillar in her apartment as he lay on his back.

His heart pounded hard as he ran to where his partner was slumped over in pain. He slid to the ground and took her hand gently off her wound. Olivia hissed, her eyes still closed as she focused on breathing. She didn't want to send herself spiraling into shock. Her skin was blended with blood as it ran down her arms, chest, and stomach. Her nose had left its blood dried on her upper lip as the gash in her cheek bone glowed red. Her face was a dead giveaway of her immense pain.

"I'll call it in. Liv you hang in there, ok? Don't leave me."

Nick turned to stand but was brought back down when he felt her hand weakly grab his arm.

"I did. They're coming."

The sirens began to draw near. They were going to be there soon. Nick felt a lump form in the back of his throat, threatening to suffocate him.

"Olivia, can you lean forward so I can see your back?" He asked gently.

She looked up at him, and leaned forward with his help. She squinted her eyes shut, biting her lip to prevent a cry from plummeting past her lips. Nick's fears were realized. A hole, probably four inches in diameter stared back at him, Olivia's precious blood pouring down her back. It was so close, too close to her heart. He put an arm around her to steady her, and she held his arms as he applied pressure to the gaping hole in her back.

"I'm fine."

She choked out as she grit her teeth. Nick couldn't keep himself from smiling, at least a little bit. Olivia Benson was always fine. She continued to breathe heavily.

* * *

Cragen was nearly taken to the ground by the phone call he had received from his frantic detective. He immediately had his phone back at his ear, alerting precincts in the area for backup and EMS. His heart was pounding behind his eyes as he left his apartment. The world slowed to half-speed when Cragen felt the night air of New York City hit his face in the parking lot.

It stayed that way the whole drive to Olivia's apartment. He called in his two other detectives, bracing for the worst. His thoughts were unable to wander from what occupied his mind. It was The Beast; he new it. Before, he would have put protective detail on his detectives if a perpetrator even looked the wrong way at one of them.

But now, as they faced the most vicious man they ever had, he had let the troops go home alone, knowing full-well the man was out hunting for a new victim. The trip was agonizingly long. He hoped he could get there before it was too late.

* * *

Her body weakened only moments after she'd leaned forward. Nick immediately felt her loosen as she slumped farther, her muscles completely relaxed. He brought her into his arms, draping her over his legs and holding her close. He cradled her in his lap, a terror like none he'd ever experienced eating him alive. His partner was bleeding out in his arms as she looked into his eyes.

The brown was darker than he'd ever seen in her soft eyes as he looked down at her, speaking silently to her. She could feel comfort when she found his eyes. She felt like she was in good hands. Her right hand moved over her body and weakly gripped the thumb of his right hand. Nick opened his hand at the contact and held hers in his own. The dark edges were growing closer together. The pain was a low hum in the frequency of her body now, frightening her and yet relieving her at the same time.

"How did you - know?"

Her voice was choppy, but she had to expend the last of her energy to ask him the question. If she was going to die on the floor in her partner's arms, she needed to know how he'd known. Nick's small, sympathetic grin brought peace to her heart.

"Just a feeling." He replied simply, squeezing her hand as he felt his eyes growing full with tears.

The expression her face gave him was a painful indicator that her life was vacating her body.

"A - partner thing."

She managed a small smile. She didn't want to die. Oh god, she didn't want to die. Not this way. Not at the hands of that monster. He'd taken enough from so many others, from her: her time, her effort, her sleep, her conscience. And now he was going to take her life.

"Thank you."

She felt her words dropping into a whisper. The pain had returned angrily. Nick looked up, hearing the sirens, but still feeling desperate for help, helpless.

"They're going to be here soon, Liv. You're going to be ok."

Her eyes were glistening more than before. She, Olivia badass Benson, had a tear reach the brim of her eye and plummet down her cheek. Then they were closing as she felt her exhaustion claim her. The adrenaline keeping her awake was now gone.

"Olivia, I need you to keep looking at me, ok?"

His voice sounded desperate, even to him.

"I'm not going anywhere." She replied back, opening her eyes slowly and squeezing his hand weakly.

"God damn it. I need help in here!" He hollered as loud as his lungs would allow.

The sirens had halted a lifetime ago. Where were they? He couldn't lose her. He wouldn't.

* * *

The first wave of backup and EMS consisted of a single ambulance and seven police cruisers. The officers followed uniformed SWAT into the building and up the stairs, guns drawn.

Captain Cragen arrived at the scene to find the second wave moving in. Two additional ambulances and ten or so police cars screeched to a halt. He felt like all time had been slowed to half speed as he exited his vehicle. He didn't care that he wasn't armed. He was going in.

He followed a few officers into the building, running up the stairs and finding himself in her hallway. Then it was her door, which was opened to them, revealing the eight or nine cops holstering their weapons. Cragen entered the apartment, heart beating fast as he anticipated what he might see.

"We're clear."

An officer spoke, heavily breathing. Cragen stepped into the apartment, pausing in a moment of shock. The smell of heat met his nostrils, mingling with the unquestionable smell of blood. He was too late. An officer radioed down.

"We need EMS up here right now."

His voice was rushed with an urgent quality that frightened him to the core.

"Where is she?"

Cragen held the officer's shoulder.

"With her partner, on the other side of the counter." The officer pointed.

Cragen raced to the opposite side of the counter, his wounded, or dying detectives still out of sight. Then they were there in front of him. Nick held Olivia as she held eye contact with him.

* * *

He felt so hopeless, and then the officers were coming through the door.

"We're clear! I need help over here!" Nick yelled.

The time sped up as the sounds and lights became a blur. Suddenly their captain was kneeling down in front of them.

"Oh my god." His voice was laced with panic.

Nick looked into his eyes. "Where are the paramedics?!"

He was beginning to lose his mind. Olivia's muscles relaxed even farther in his arms, her body growing heavier as it bowed beneath the impending death.

"They're on their way up."

Cragen got even closer to Olivia, suddenly finding himself having trouble breathing.

"I'm ok." She whispered to him as she struggled to keep her eyes open.

She was fighting a losing battle, and she knew it.

His hand reached out and touched her limp arm at the top of which a hole gaped as it spat her blood out. When his eyes met the sight of Olivia's hand clutching Nick's, the situation became real, painfully real.

"Liv, don't close your eyes. Come on. Stay with me. Just keep looking at me." Nick's voice was suddenly frantic, and Cragen looked up to see her eyes closing. There was no fighting it now. Her words began to slur.

"It's ok. You can let - go."

Her body slowed in its motions and her head lulled against Nick's shoulder, cradled comfortably in death.

"Oh god." His voice shook as he fought tears.

She had always been larger than life - invincible. And yet there she was, Olivia Benson, her body saying goodbye to the world she had dwelled in, conquering it every day.

She felt no pain as she lay in darkness. She heard nothing, feared nothing.

Lewis was the one who deserved to die, not the fearless detective who would put everything on the line to protect New York. She'd given so much to her city. It was only right to finish it with giving up her life.


	4. Out of Time

Her body completely collapsed against his as her heart slowed its beating in her chest. Nick felt himself remove himself from his body, finding the view from above in his sights.

There he sat, his partner, who he didn't know he cared so much about until that very moment, draped in his lap, her life nearly gone. An alarming pool of blood kept him surrounded as his captain reached out to grab him. Nick snapped back into his body.

"Nick!"

He had missed the paramedic's entrance. It had been only a moment after her head had come to rest on his chest that they'd arrived, but he'd failed to hear them. He stood, still holding her in his arms, laying her on the stretcher in front of him in slow motion.

"Got a pulse."

One threw a mask over her face as another pushed his fingers into her neck.

"Let's go."

Cragen put a hand over his mouth as his detective left on the whisper of Death. She floated between the living and the forever dead.

Nick couldn't move. He froze as he watched his partner disappear out the door and down the hall. More officers and personnel had filtered in, but he didn't notice them. He shook as his pants clung to him with Olivia's blood. His hands were drenched, his shirt, his face. His body turned as paramedics then took Lewis from the floor as he awoke, and cuffed him to the gurney before leaving.

"I hope - she's not dead." He snickered, a grin stretching across his face even then.

"We were just - gettin' started."

Nick's hatred peaked.

"Nick. Let's get you checked out."

Cragen put his hand on his detective's shoulder. He knew full well that even when things didn't make sense, when they were happening so fast, he had to keep his head for the sake of those who looked to him for guidance.

"She was standing there when he fired. I saw her go down, and I couldn't do a thing to stop it." Nick spoke aloud, trying to wrap his thoughts around it.

Cragen listened as they got in the elevator. "You did what you could."

He paused.

"What were you doing here?" He asked, his tone gentle.

Nick took a breath, "I just had a feeling. Something was off."

"She's lucky to have a partner like you, Nick."

Cragen rode the elevator down alongside his shaken detective. Nick felt his frustration unleash itself on Cragen in a tiny taste.

"Yeah, that's how she is. Lucky. Half her blood is outside her body, and she's lucky to have me?"

Nick was irritated. He couldn't help his words. As the captain walked out the doors of the opening elevator, he put a hand on Nick's shoulder. He understood that the anger wasn't directed at him. It was only directed, needing somewhere to go before it destroyed him.

"She's going to be ok." Cragen whispered.

Nick found himself near paramedics.

"He needs medical attention." The captain pointed.

Nick got immediate attention, being taken to sit in the ambulance and then being fixed up. He sat numbly, hoping he hadn't just witnessed his partner's death. He felt like he was in the clutches of an awful nightmare, one in which the perpetrator deserved to die, but seemed like he was invincible. He hoped he'd wake up soon to find himself lying safely in his bed, Olivia lying in hers across the city.

"I'll have Fin wait with you. I'll take Amanda to the hospital with me. You guys meet us there." The captain spoke as he saw his other detectives jump out of the same vehicle.

* * *

Both knew that the call had been at Olivia's apartment, and they both knew what it was about. Fin and Amanda had still been out at the bar when their pagers had gone off. They arrived to find three ambulances remaining caged by dozens of police cruisers, officers crawling around the block. Amanda saw the captain standing near where Nick sat receiving attention.

"Captain!" Her voice was loud and strangled.

Fin caught a glimpse of his superior officer and colleague as she yelled. They broke into a jog, weaving quickly in and out of cars and people as they tried to make it to where they needed to be. Even their tongues could taste the fear of their bodies as their feet remained heavier than they'd ever felt them. Amanda made it to the side of the ambulance shortly before Fin.

"Where's Liv?" Fin asked, out of breath.

Cragen turned around, his face telling them all they needed to know. Amanda's eyes filled with tears as her chin quivered.

"No." Her whisper came.

Fin put a hand on her shoulder.

"Captain. Where is she?" His voice was more anger than panic and fear.

Captain Cragen shook his head. "She's on her way to the hospital. Lewis shot her."

His voice was shaking. He wished it would stop. He was supposed to be the one with a level head, but he felt dizzy too.

"She's gonna be ok, right?" Fin's concern came out as he held onto Amanda as she held her tears to a slow flow.

Cragen's sigh made their stomachs drop with the most terrible feeling they could imagine. It physically hurt them to hear the defeated sigh that came from their captain's mouth.

"Where was she hit?" Amanda wiped her nose and found her voice.

Nick spoke up. "Her left shoulder." He replied.

The detectives turned their attention to him.

"You ok, Amaro?" Fin asked him.

"I'll live."

He heard the words come out before he even realized what they meant for his partner. She might not.

"Amanda, you and I are going to the hospital to wait for any word from the doctor. Fin, you wait with Nick and come to Mercy when he's cleared. We'll keep you posted."

Cragen pointed at them. They each nodded. Amanda followed her captain to a cruiser after giving Nick's hand a gentle squeeze and doing the same to Fin's shoulder. "She'll be ok." Fin whispered so she could hear him. She nodded; then she was gone.

"How did you get beat up so bad?" Fin leaned against the ambulance as his questions overflowed in his mind.

Nick looked down at the paramedic stitching up a wound in his forearm.

"I got here and found Lewis already in the apartment beating the hell out of Liv. I lost my gun and used my best defense. I guess I'm not so good at hand to hand combat." He replied.

The fear was still in him, throbbing as it coursed through his veins. Olivia's eyes had closed in darkness, her injured heart slowing in her chest. The look of her skin frightened him as he remembered how she looked lying in his arms. Her skin was so white, so fragile that it was as if it could break if he had even moved.

"Nick. Come back." Fin put a hand on his fellow detective's leg.

He had seen that Nick was no longer with him.

"Sorry."

"No need. I've been there." Fin swallowed hard, not knowing anything else he could say.

"I was too late. Her hands were - they were bleeding so badly. He had ripped her shirt off, cut her face."

Nick had gone back again, only this time, his words took Fin there as well. Fin put a hand on his colleague's shoulder.

"You got to her soon enough." He didn't even believe the words as they came out of his mouth.

Nick shook his head. "We'll see. It's only the second time I've had to be there for her, and I might have cost her her life. What a partner I am."

He held his wrapped arm as the nurse finished with his injuries. Fin sighed.

"You were way ahead of us. She has a chance because of you, Nick."

No one said anything as Nick slid his shirt back on and buttoned it up.

"Come on. Let's go see what we can find out."

* * *

Olivia coded in the ambulance for two minutes. She died. The staff of paramedics took out the paddles, compressed her chest, and brought her back. They weren't willing to lose her yet.

The blood soaked the tight bandages they had placed over her wound, front and back, further discouraging them. Her eyes remained closed, her cheeks sinking in as she lay, pale as a sheet of paper, fragile as a china doll.

Her hair was shiny with blood as it sent strands down to frame her face. The mask that kept her alive rested over her nose and mouth as the medics pricked her skin with needles trying to get the deep red vital fluid back into her veins.

Her frail body was wheeled quickly in through the emergency doors and into a room to prep her for surgery. They needed to pinch off the severed artery before the flow of blood picked up its pace and turned deadly. She was in the operating room when her captain and colleague arrived in the waiting room.

* * *

"Detective Olivia Benson." Cragen held out his shield for anyone who would look.

A woman immediately turned toward him.

"She just went in to surgery. EMS that came in with her thinks the bullet nicked an artery."

They followed her into the waiting room where she motioned for them to have a seat. Both refused.

"She'll be ok, though." Amanda chimed in, not bothering to even make it sound like a question.

She had to be ok. Nothing could kill Olivia Benson. The nurse hugged her clipboard close, shaking her head.

"We'll know more when she comes out of surgery. I'll make sure the doctor knows you guys are here."

The woman left them in the room. Amanda felt her eyes welling up again. When she put her hand to her mouth, her captain wrapped an arm around her. She put her head down on his shoulder, glad for the comfort as she cried. It was so terrifying to not know.

Officers filed in sporadically, a handful here and there. But it filled the waiting room to capacity with two dozen or more officers. When one of their own went down, it was all hands on deck, whether you knew the person or not. Olivia knew almost every officer present in the waiting room. And even if she didn't, they knew about her. They waited in uncertain suspense.

* * *

Nick climbed into the vehicle with Fin after his wounds had been stitched up and he had been cleared. The blockade from the scene to Bellevue was still holding traffic back giving them a direct route to the hospital. Fin drove so fast they didn't even see the lights of the city individually. It was all a blur.

He slammed the breaks on outside the emergency entrance, not even bothering to park in a space. Nick threw his door open and jumped out as Fin did. They both walked quickly into the room which they found packed to the brim. There amidst the chaos were the two other members of the team.

"Anything?" Nick asked, his breath coming in short gasps.

Cragen shook his head, "The bullet nicked an artery. She's still in surgery."

Amanda returned from the hallway with two glasses of water in her hands. She handed one to Cragen and took a sip of her own.

"Does Munch know?" She asked quietly.

Both Fin and Nick could hear the exhaustion in her voice. She was defeated. Cragen nodded.

"I called him. He's on his way from D.C. now."

They stood in silence for only a moment.

"He's cutting his seminar short?" Nick questioned.

"For this, most definitely. He was on the road the minute he saw my name on his phone, I have no doubt." Cragen replied in the same tone as Amanda's.

All they could do was wait, wait in the state of absolute helplessness. It was despairing to know that complete strangers were trying to save her life. Perhaps if they knew her like those in the waiting room did, they might try harder to save her.

But the staff didn't know her like the four in the room did. No one ever would. The minutes turned into an hour, then two. The doctor's appearance at the doorway made everyone in the room stand. His face had already told them everything they needed to know.


	5. Like An Angel

_The doctor's appearance at the doorway made everyone in the room stand. His face had already told them everything they needed to know._

Amanda stood alongside her captain, holding his and her partner's hand while they awaited the news to hit their ears.

"Detective Benson made it out of surgery. We pinched the artery off successfully, but she's sedated so we can monitor her blood pressure and vital organs."

They swallowed hard, a wave of relief crashing into them, engulfing them and surrounding them. The entire room felt less oppressive.

"When can we see her?" Nick asked quickly.

He needed to make sure what the doctor said was true. He needed to know that she was really in the hospital with him, in the world with him.

"We don't want her disturbed, but I can allow one to go at a time." The doctor nodded.

The other three looked at him, their eyes giving him their answer. He left the waiting room and followed the doctor down the hallway to where he entered the room of his partner. When the man alongside him peeled back the curtain, she was there.

She looked so perfect as she lay in the white sheets. Her skin was so pale she'd disappear into the bedding if her hair weren't spread around her so perfectly. Nick took a deep, shuddering breath as he stepped forward. It was real. She was still with him.

"Take as long as you need."

Then the two were alone. He sat down in the chair that beckoned beside her bed. Her cheeks were thinner than he'd ever seen. The blood was nearly gone from her face, leaving her looking like an angel in the lights of heaven. The gash in her cheek interrupted that illusion. The bandages that held the wound together made his heart hurt.

He had gotten there too late. She had suffered at the hands of The Beast. Her arms laid next to her, still as they could be. His relief was still renewed every time he found her chest rising and falling. The oxygen tubes wound around her ears and into both her nostrils, supplying her with the vital mix of air to sustain her.

He held her hand in his own, the coolness of her touch contrasting with the overheated skin of his fingers. Tiny bandages held the multiple cuts together, the wraps now gone. He still didn't know how she had gotten them, but he knew how awful and painful they looked now. He held the chilled hand between both of his, thinking that if he could warm her, she would be ok.

"I'm so sorry, Liv." Nick heard his voice saying softly.

Her rising and falling chest responded silently as her life continued in the dark. Her gown exposed her shoulder as it was slid down where her bandages were secured. Nick got goosebumps as he felt the cold coursing through her body. Death was waiting to claim her. He hoped he could do enough to keep her from it.

"You're going to be ok. Just hang in there."

Her silence answered him. His eyes glanced upward to where an IV was stuck in her pale hand. Then they found where the bag of blood that was keeping her alive hung. Another wave of guilt came over him.

His eyes saw The Beast pinning her against the wall, his fist making contact with her cheek, her eyes when she saw he wasn't doing anything to help, her rolling in agony on the floor after Lewis had thrown her down with full force. Then he heard her scream again. It had split the air, now coursing through every nerve in his body. He could feel the pain in that scream. He had never heard a sound like that ripped from her throat ever before.

Nick closed his eyes and took a moment to put himself back together before he let her hand rest back on the bed gently. He stood above her, now aware of the pain moving through his own body. If she made it, that awful pain would be so worth it.

He was willing to give everything he had to wake her up, but he knew it was past the point of no return now. There was nothing he could do to bring her back. That opportunity had come and went. Nick left her alone in the room, headed back to where his colleagues waited.

* * *

He had gotten the message from her captain that night before he went to bed. Olivia had been a victim of an awful attack. He felt his throat tighten. His car was in motion before he had a chance to think about where he was going.

Brian reached the hospital room to find it empty, except for her lying in the pale bed, blending in effortlessly. He felt fear in him. Her face was thinner than it had ever been. There were still streaks of blood on the side of her neck, a handprint. A bruise budded above the gash on her cheek, stretching its black and blue fingers up around her eye.

Brian Cassidy approached her bed slowly, seeing her beauty still radiating from her sunken cheeks. He loved her with everything he had. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her because of the way she made him feel. His stomach turned when he found her hand, lying limply alongside her broken body, thousands of cuts covering the entire surface of them both. Cassidy sat down and lifted it gently, holding it between his.

"What you get yourself into this time, Liv?" His voice was a whisper, a light breath.

* * *

Nick returned to the waiting room after leaving Olivia's bedside. He had just missed Brian's arrival. Amanda, Cragen, Fin, and Munch stood up, their faces showing their craving for information.

"She's ok." He nodded at them.

"Where's Lewis?" Nick questioned angrily.

The captain shook his head, "Somewhere you can't get to him. The case isn't ours anymore." He replied.

He could tell that all four people standing around him didn't enjoy the answer.

"Captain we worked this case from the very beginning." Amanda began.

"And things have changed. We're too close to his last victim. Nick was involved in the fight. There is no way the chief of D's would allow us to be on the case, let alone the police commissioner." Cragen shook his head.

He knew how much further their hatred now went, but he could do nothing to dissolve it.

"I'll keep a close eye on it. Barba is still trying the case. He will keep us informed."

They seemed to settle down a little when they heard their closest ADA was still on the case.

"Alright." Fin shrugged.

"Now you guys can go home. Take tomorrow off." The captain said with a nod.

"I'll give your numbers to the staff. If anything happens, you'll be the first to know."

Cragen put a hand on Nick's back.

"Thanks, Captain." Munch nodded.

Amanda crossed her arms over her chest in an effort to keep her eyes from tearing up again. Fin put a hand on her shoulder and led her out alongside his partner.

"Nick, I want you to stay with Cynthia and Gil tonight. It's not a good idea for you to be alone with all that going through your head." Cragen held Nick's shoulder.

Nick didn't protest. Right now, all he wanted was to be alone, but he knew the captain's words were true.

He nodded. "See you tomorrow."

His defeated voice followed him as he left the hospital. Cragen watched him until he had been swallowed by the night. Then he turned on his heel and left to see the woman he had so long considered part of his family.

* * *

There she lay, her hand in Cassidy's. Cragen entered the room, taking in the awful sounds the machines each made. He swallowed hard.

"I didn't know you were here yet." He spoke gently.

Brian turned to face him, "I got your message. Came as quickly as I could."

Though the captain was wary of Olivia dating and getting hurt, he felt that she was safe from that with Cassidy. Cragen approached the bed, taking a seat against the wall, adjacent to where Brian sat.

"What have the doctors said?" Cassidy could barely ask as his voice shook.

Captain Cragen shook his head slowly.

"Not much. They pinched the artery in her shoulder, but he says they are going to keep her under tonight to monitor her blood pressure and vitals."

Brian sighed heavily, his gaze returning to Olivia. He remembered when he was on the brink of death and she was right there, her face and neck smeared in blood while she held his blood-soaked hand in the middle of hers. She was there for him. She helped save him. And here he was, not able to do the same.

"What happened." His voice demanded an answer. It was not a question.

"William Lewis. She told you about him?" Cragen assumed.

Brian nodded.

"He was in her apartment when she got home tonight. He was beating her when Nick got there."

Cragen felt the words crawl out of his chest again. Brian sat in silence, staring at her closed eyes. What he would do for just one more chanced to see those eyes.

"She was shot?" He heard his voice speaking on its own.

"Yes." Cragen nodded again.

He bid his detective goodnight, and left her in Brian's hands. That feeling wouldn't go away until she was awake again.

* * *

He had been sleeping soundly when his phone had lit up and vibrated on his bedside table. His body protested against his action to reach over and grab it, but it complied. He held the light to his face, a hand above his head as his eyes adjusted to the sudden change in light. It was a text. The name on his phone couldn't have been right. He opened the message.

'Get to New York. Something's happened.'

The feeling he had grown accustomed to burying was there in his heart again. Those words, coming from a man he hadn't heard from or seen for two years, meant something. It struck a nerve in his core. It sent a coil of chills down his spine.

He didn't text back, but he found himself getting onto his feet, turning on a lamp in his empty bedroom, and heading into the closet for a suitcase. He threw clothes into the suitcase, enough to sustain him for more than a week. He packed his second bag and his laptop. The whole time he was packing, that feeling gripped him tightly, squeezing the life from him.

What was it that had happened? He didn't even have to ask who it had happened to. Her. The one who he'd left behind. The one he still longed to see. The one he missed more than anything. As he glanced at the clock, he felt another chill run its course. It was 1:00, in the city and where he stood. This was bad. He jumped back into action, heading to the airport in hopes a ticket would find him as soon as possible.

The giant airport had a flight leaving a half hour after he'd arrived, and he found a way on it. He took out his phone again as he awaited boarding. Captain Cragen's message was still there. Maybe he wouldn't want to go after he knew why he'd been summoned.

Elliot took a deep breath and let his eyes close as his head dropped against the pillar he sat in front of. The plane boarded at 3:00, and he was on his way home. His mind wandered the entire flight, wondering what would be waiting for him - or worse - what wouldn't.


	6. Night's Not Fair

The night was kept at bay by the beaming lights of New York City as life continued at a constant roar in the streets. The air was sticky and wet, so thick that those outside breathed in more water than air. The humidity foreshadowed the weather that had been promised, hot for days, and a break in the weather only to be offered by torrential rain and severe storms.

At the JFK airport, Southwest flight 275 touched down on the glistening runway. It braked easily and taxied slowly to the gate of the enormous complex. It took too long for the man sitting in seat 7B. When the door of the aircraft opened, he was already grabbing his bag and making his way toward the gate. He didn't feel the exhaustion nagging him any longer. He didn't know what he was even supposed to do, where he was going to go. It didn't even matter. He was where he needed to be: in his city.

* * *

The captain had been awakened by the sound of his phone going off. He felt a wave of new feelings run through him when he saw the name that accompanied the call. Elliot Stabler. Without a second thought, he answered.

"Elliot." His voice only spoke one word.

_"What happened?" _Elliot's voice was quick.

It had a certain quality to it that made Cragen sure that he was trying to hide his panic and worry. He sighed.

"Olivia was attacked in her apartment tonight. Perp shot her."

Cragen heard the words leave his mouth with ease. He felt like a broken record. The silence on the other side of the phone confirmed that Elliot had processed what he'd said.

_ "She'll be ok."_ Elliot's question was mixed into a statement.

He sounded unsure, but still not ready to believe that the woman he'd left was gone.

"She was in surgery a couple hours ago. Doctors say if she wakes up, she'll be ok."

Another painful pause.

"Elliot where are you?" Cragen found himself asking.

_ "JFK. My flight just got in." _Elliot replied.

Cragen raised his eyebrows. He hadn't wasted any time.

_"I'm headed to a hotel. Where is she?"_ His voice was strangled with worry.

"Mercy. Room 112." Cragen didn't let him off.

He quickly added to his last answer.

"Elliot, it's not good. She's in bad shape."

He wanted to be sure Elliot knew that before he walked into that hospital room and found his partner of 12 years lying in her current state. A swallow.

_"Thanks."_

Then he was gone.

* * *

Nick had stepped into the house at 12:30 to find the light in the living room and kitchen area still on. When he closed the door and turned back toward the entrance, Cynthia was already approaching him. She walked quickly into his arms.

"Thank god. What happened?" Her face was contorted with concern.

Her fingers gently touched the cut on his face and bruise forming over his eye.

Nick shook his head, "Olivia. She was - attacked."

His voice was almost completely disconnected from his brain, it felt. He was still struggling to put the pieces together himself. She saw his exhaustion, his fear.

"Is she going to be ok?"

Cynthia waited for his reply that never came. His eyes wandered, his mind still reliving the night.

"Come on. You look exhausted. We have a guest bedroom upstairs. You'll be staying here tonight."

He was amazed she read him so well. He followed her numbly as she led him upstairs and into the room he'd be sleeping in. She hugged him again, even kissing his cheek gently.

"You need anything, I'm just down the hall." She assured him before leaving.

"Cynthia." He caught her before she left.

"Thank you."

She smiled at him. "Goodnight, Nick."

The night continued to repeat in his mind as he turned the light off, not bothering to change, and slid into his sheets.

* * *

When Fin had arrived at Amanda's apartment, he walked her up the stairs to her door. She stuck her keys into the lock and fumbled them shakily, her hands unable to stay steady. That was all her mind needed to be sent over the edge. She put her hand to her forehead, leaving the keys sticking out from the door. Her eyes willingly let her cry, her mouth letting out small sobs of exhaustion, fear, and hopelessness.

Fin put an arm around her and held her close for a moment. He knew that she needed comfort. He knew she would try to be as strong as she knew how through the entire uncertain future, but she was still human. It hurt her as much, if not more than it did the others, to see Olivia so helpless and degraded. She was seeing her only fellow female detective in the squad lying on Death's doorstep in the hospital.

"It's gonna be ok."

Fin didn't believe his words even as they left his mouth. Amanda nodded, and Fin opened her door for her.

"I'll see you tomorrow." He said.

She nodded again, feeling it was the only thing she could do.

"Goodnight, Fin."

She shut the door after swallowing hard. She walked over to switch her light on. The feelings swirling around her head threatened to strangle her until she was a lifeless zombie walking around in her body. She was so scared that Olivia was going to die at the hands of a monster. She deserved so much more.

That legendary detective had been cold toward her at first, but Amanda knew it was only because if her partner's departure. Amanda had longed to be transferred to the 16th precinct's SVU, just because of Olivia. She was a fellow woman police officer who would give anything for the job. Amanda sat down on the couch and put her hands on her temples, attempting to alleviate the awful pain that was beginning in her head.

* * *

Elliot rolled his suitcase to the baggage claim area and then left the building in his rental car. The night was so familiar, yet foreign to him. He had called this city his home for many decades, but now he felt like an alien amongst the people, the lights. The car refused to go as fast as he wished it would. Vehicles honked at him in his disoriented state, but he didn't hear it. His ears were merely a closed gate to his mind, which had no room for any other sound or thought.

He arrived at his hotel twenty minutes after he left the airport. He walked swiftly inside and found the front desk still occupied. Elliot arranged everything and was up the stairs and in his room in what seemed like seconds, but still hours, days even. He had to get to her. Fear gripped him around the wrists, creeping up inside his bones, seeping into his blood stream.

The car was in motion, and then suddenly in the hospital parking lot. He had lost time, he had no doubt. The car didn't find a parking spot. It came to a stop and Elliot jumped out, jogging into the lobby entrance. He approached the front desk, his exhaustion now only a small hum in the back of his mind.

"Room 112. How do I get there?" The words rushed out of his mouth.

The woman was slightly surprised by his tone, but looked up and directed him anyway.

"Thank you."

He was being carried on limp legs with minds of their own. His heart leapt into his throat when they halted in front of the room next to which the number 112 sat on a silver door plate. The butterflies began to eat at his stomach as he prepared himself to reach for the door handle. He did, and found himself in the room, almost ready to collapse.

His legs wobbled unsteadily beneath him as his eyes met the sight of his former partner lying near Death in that pale hospital bed, alone. A shaky breath left his throat, and his hand found its way to his mouth. Elliot realized he was frozen, incapable of any move.

Her skin, though pale, still shone as perfectly and flawless as it ever had. Her eyelashes, long and dark still naturally lined her closed eyelids, which he knew was the only thing between him and those beautiful brown eyes that held so much expression. A bruise on her face covered her right eye, where below a short gash was held together by tiny bandages.

Her hands.

His legs almost gave out. There were lacerations covering her soft, perfect hands. The small pieces of tape to hold them together hurt him physically. Elliot was gliding toward her now, and he took a seat in the chair waiting for him. His fingers ran down her arm, making sure that she was really there in front of him. And she was. Then he took her hand and held it close to his chest, pushing both his and hers gently onto where his heart beat.

Maybe if he lent her his, she could wake up. Her chest continued to rise and fall steadily, the only sign of life within her weakened body. His throat hitched when his eyes met the sight of the large wrap around her shoulder. Only a small, diluted color of crimson was visible pressing against the inside of the bandage, but it was enough to scare Elliot. He had gone because he wanted to save her, and now she was lying in front of him paying for his mistake.

A tear slipped from his eye as the room began to swim. Life was far from fair. Now it seemed death was the same. He began to speak shakily as he held her hand.

"You're going to be pissed at me."

A small smile spread like a bolt of lightning across his face as he thought about how fired up she could get about things, and how funny yet terrifying she always looked when she did.

"But I had to face the music sooner or later. I just didn't think it'd happen like this."

It was like he felt she was hearing him.

"I just want to see your eyes again - your smile, your frown. Don't leave just yet. We're not ready-"

his voice cut out when he experienced another wave of guilty reality.

"You can't go yet."

She lay there unresponsive, and yet a comforting presence to Elliot.

"I'm sorry, Liv."

His whisper was almost inaudible. He stayed for no more than an hour, not yet able to face her if she awoke. He left her alone again, feeling a burden heavier than when he came.

* * *

She felt her eyes blink open. The pain was biting at her nerves when she did, and she closed her eyes, trying to remember how it was she got there. She brought a hand to her face, immediately feeling the bandages run roughly across her skin. Olivia brought them away, attempting to lift the other hand.

The pain shot up through her arm and settled in her shoulder. She hissed quietly before reaching for her call button with her right hand. A moment after she'd pressed it, a nurse and doctor appeared in her doorway, their faces full of surprise and yet a certain calm they always carried.

"Ms. Benson, do you feel any pain?"

The doctor and nurse went about checking her vitals and IV bags. She nodded painfully. Her voice was unable to reply. She didn't have the energy or the ability to even think about speaking. The nurse increased the painkiller dose in her IV supplying her body while the doctor checked her bandages.

"We're going to increase the painkiller dosage. The pain should be gone in a few minutes." He said.

Olivia closed her eyes as he felt gently around the area of her wound.

"We'll redress this tomorrow morning." He nodded at her.

"You won't be able to speak for a few hours. Just try and get some rest." He got close to her and prompted her to open her eyes again.

"Anything else you're feeling?"

She used the last of her energy to swallow and shake her head. They reminded her to push her call button if she needed anything and then left her in the darkness alone.


	7. A Partner's Job

Nick woke up the next morning to the sound his door opening. He felt the rumble of thunder in the floor as rain pounded on the window. The moment he tried to sit up and see who it was that entered his room, the pain from the night before returned with a vengeance. He was so sore he grimaced as he sat.

"Dad?"

Gil was entering his room with a concerned look on his young face. Nick couldn't keep a smile from him.

"Yeah, buddy." He answered.

Gil approached the bed slowly, cautiously. His mom had told him not to disturb his father because he was hurt, but Gil was so scared for his dad that he disobeyed her order. Gil didn't reply. He just got onto the bed with him, and wrapped his arms around his father. Nick, surprised by the contact, hesitated, but hugged back.

"Mom said you were hurt." He said, still in his arms.

"I'm going to be fine. Don't worry." He pulled the boy away and sat him on his knees.

"Here. Look."

Nick pointed at his cut on his arm and the bruise on his eye. Gil put his fingers gingerly over the wounds.

"You should see the other guy." He smiled at his son, who smiled back.

"What's for breakfast?" Nick put his feet on the ground and helped Gil off.

"Cereal." Gil laughed.

"Oh. Gourmet breakfast. I like it."

The boy held his father's hand as he led his dad down to the kitchen. Cynthia had the cereal boxes, bowls, and milk carton already on the counter as the two made their way into the room. She gave Nick a soft smile.

"Thought you'd want to eat something before you go." She said quietly.

Gil sat down, already halfway to a breakfast of delight.

"Go where?" He asked.

Her smile fell.

"The hospital. Doctor called this morning while you were still sleeping." Cynthia replied.

Nick's heart stopped. Olivia.

"No." He whispered.

Gil looked up at him with concern in his face. Nick couldn't even see him. Cynthia interrupted his thoughts as quickly as she could.

"She's awake. Doc says she'll make it." She was pleased to relieve him.

He sighed in relief and leaned heavily against the counter. She was going to be ok.

* * *

Elliot was out of his hotel room at 8:00 the next morning, driving into the misty morning littered with thick traffic. He didn't care if it cost him everything he had left. He was going to try to save her - and their friendship. What would a friendship be if one of the two was gone?

He still felt as if he was floating between real life and fantasy. Olivia couldn't have been shot. She had avoided biting a bullet for 12 years, all the time that he was by her side. And then she did the second year he had without her, and this one had nearly taken her life - might still. He had a long morning in front of him. He inched slowly through the rush-hour traffic, hoping to make it to the hospital before 9:00.

* * *

Olivia's eyes opened at 8:12 that morning, the pain gone, the lines of life strangely blurred together. She felt absolutely wonderful, no pain whatsoever. Her head didn't hurt, her body didn't ache. She let herself relax against the soft pillows. Her body. She was still alive.

It had gripped her tightly that the moments she spent in her partner's arms as she bled on the floor were her last, but she'd made it. Her mind wandered to the unending questions that replaced Death's with their own grip.

Where was Lewis? Had she gotten enough proof to finally convict him? Would the trial start again, or would he plead out? What would his lawyer ask her if they went to trial? How would he look at her in that courtroom when she was inevitably called to testify? The questions overflowed as she sat awake and thought.

The nurse brought in her breakfast and helped her sit up to eat. She checked her vitals and IV's before leaving Olivia with her thoughts again. She ate only a few bites of her cold cereal, a bite of an apple, and a sip of her water, unsure she could keep anymore down. She already couldn't wait to go home. Her eyes were grabbed by the shape that appeared in her doorway.

"Hey, Liv." Brian's smile comforted Olivia as she sat up in the bed.

She felt herself smile weakly back. She didn't expect him to show up. She hadn't even thought about it until the moment she'd seen him. He approached her bedside, a single daisy stemming from the decorative vase in his hands. She smiled at him, sighing in relief. He sat down and put his hand on her arm.

"How you feeling?" His concern was touching.

Olivia closed her eyes, swallowing.

"Like I got shot." Her reply was hardly a whisper.

Cassidy found a smile on his face as she gave him a small one. He knew how weak she was. He looked down at her hand, wanting to hold it like he had before, but wary of the pain it would cause her now that she was awake. She moved her own hand, squinting her eyes at the small pain it caused her. She touched his hand comfortingly, not sure she had the energy to talk anymore. Brian cradled the hand lovingly.

"If it counts, you're still beautiful." He said, leaning over to give her forehead a kiss.

Her eyes closed as she breathed contentedly.

"Doesn't hurt." Her whisper was even softer than the last.

It was all she could manage, and she knew he would understand that.

"I know." Brian smiled again.

"I've been there." He assured her.

Her eyes closed again, this time not to reopen. She breathed peacefully in her sleep, which Brian was thankful for.

Cragen appeared in the doorway of the room, entering cautiously and quietly when he saw Cassidy holding Liv's hand as she slept.

"Doc said-" he was beginning to question when Brian nodded.

"She was. She's sleeping."

Cragen placed his flower bouquet on the same table where Brian had put his.

"Is she in pain?" It was the last thing he wanted to know, but yet he had to.

He didn't want her suffering any more than she already had. Brian glanced back at Olivia.

"No. They upped her dose of painkillers. But she's pretty weak." He commented.

The captain took a seat in another chair in the room.

"Where is he?" Brian asked seriously.

He felt like letting the bastard who had done this know what he thought of him.

Cragen sighed, "Bellevue, handcuffed to his bed. Nick did quite a number on him. So did Olivia." He replied.

Cassidy gently let her hand slip out of his as he turned toward the captain.

"And Nick?"

The two had not been on good terms, especially after Nick had found out Cassidy had been seeing Olivia. But it felt different now. They'd helped each other, and now Nick had saved her life. Maybe he wasn't such a bad guy after all.

"He's fine, recuperating at home. I would expect him to be here soon." Cragen took a deep breath.

"Hey." A voice just above a whisper came from the door.

Cragen turned around as Cassidy looked up. Amanda stood in the doorway, a flower vase with a balloon hovering above it in her hand.

"Hey Amanda." The captain stood up as his detective entered.

"She conked out a couple minutes ago." Brian said quietly.

Amanda set her flowers on the table with the others before standing and just looking down at Olivia. She knew the doctors had said she'd be fine, but Amanda couldn't believe that until she saw those eyes open.

"I just came by to check and see for myself." She said softly, as if she was speaking to only herself.

"I'm fine." The words met her ears at a level almost too low to be heard.

Olivia's eyes hadn't opened, but Amanda knew that voice. A smile came over Amanda's lips as she knelt down by the bed. She touched her leader's arm gingerly.

"Aren't you always?" She was so happy she felt she could cry.

"Thank god you're ok."

Olivia opened her eyes for the young woman to see for herself that she was, in fact, ok.

"I still don't have enough blood to fill up my face." Her sigh came. "But I feel great."

Her sarcasm brought a smile to Amanda's and the other two men's faces. Olivia was still in there. Her eyes closed again. She hated being so helpless, so weak. But she had no choice.

"I'll stop by tonight. Glad you're ok, Liv." Amanda stood up and nodded at Cassidy and her captain.

"Thanks Amanda." Cragen said quietly as she left the room.

"I better go myself. You hang in there, Liv." Cragen said, knowing she could hear him.

She smiled a little as her eyes blinked groggily.

"I will." Her eyes closed as he left.

Cassidy sat in silence, the only sounds in the room with him materializing as beeps and whirs of machines.

* * *

Nick opened his car door and stepped out onto the pavement of the parking lot. He reached her hospital room to find she was not alone. Cassidy sat with his hands now in his lap, leaning back in his chair thoughtfully near her bedside. Her eyes were still closed, her bruise on her face and eye now showing black and blue. He entered.

"Hey." He said quietly.

Cassidy looked up, "Hey." He sat up.

"Doctor called, said she was awake." Nick commented at a level just above a whisper.

Brian nodded, glancing back at her.

"She was. I think she is. She just doesn't have energy to talk yet."

Nick took a seat on the other side of the bed.

"She's going to pull through." Nick said with a reassuring sigh to himself.

Cassidy nodded again. "Yeah. Thanks to you."

Nick looked up with surprise.

"Look, Amaro. We got off to a bad start. But this is a woman we both care about. How 'bout we try to hash it out later? Maybe when she isn't lying in a hospital bed?"

Brian gave Nick a sideways glance. Nick smiled a little.

"Alright. I've got a couple days to recuperate, then."

Brian smiled back and they then sat in comfortable silence. The doctor and a couple of nurses entered the room.

"We're going to redress her bandages. Can you guys step out for a minute?" One of the women asked.

They stood.

"Yeah."

The lobby was nearly empty as they stood with nothing to talk about.

"So is it going to be you or me that goes into Bellevue to kill Lewis?" Cassidy questioned.

Nick found himself smiling again. Maybe this guy was not as bad as he had seemed before.

"Two is better than one. What do you say we go in together?" Brain smiled.

"Deal."

* * *

Elliot entered the hospital again at 8:38, walking through the lobby area. He immediately caught the eye of a familiar face. Brian Cassidy stood in the lobby alongside some other, younger detective.

"Elliot Stabler." His tone was dry, unsurprised, unforgiving.

Elliot took a breath and took a couple more steps toward them.

"Been a long time, Cassidy." Elliot took and shook Brian's hand firmly before turning to the other man.

"Nick amaro. Benson's partner." Brain said as the two shared another hand shake.

"So this is what it takes for you to show up here again, huh?" Amaro challenged him.

He knew how close a bond he had shared with Olivia, and how suddenly he'd shattered that bond, breaking her heart into a million pieces as he did.

Elliot's anger flared. That temper had never left him.

"You have no right to judge me. It's not your job to understand what happened." He kept his voice down, but his brow showed his frustration.

Nick nodded angrily. The stress was about to explode out of him.

"Actually, it is my job now. I'm the one that replaced you. So what did you come back to hear?" His tone was building, and Cassidy felt his own anger go up a notch as well.

Elliot raised his voice. "I came back -"

"Too late." Cassidy finished.

Elliot was silenced.

"You came to hear how she couldn't focus for months after you left? How she didn't sleep; how she didn't eat for days - weeks." Nick butted back into the argument.

Olivia had been so hurt after he had left, and Nick wanted to make sure Elliot knew that. Nick and been the one to see her suffer, and now he planned to protect her, stand up for her - like partners do.


	8. Her Silent Reprimand

Elliot couldn't find words to speak. He didn't even feel his anger as much as he felt guilt, shocked at the realization of what his departure did to her.

"Bet you didn't even think about that." Nick finished.

Elliot was still ready to defend himself.

"You can't know why I had to go. People move - that's life. Can't change it." His voice was escalating still.

"I wanted to stay, but I had no choice."

Cassidy actually put a hand on his shoulder and shoved.

"And she did? Come on now, Elliot." He paused.

"You got a lot of nerve showing up here. Only when the woman is lying on her deathbed you finally think about speaking to her again. And here you are."

Brian turned to leave, headed toward the hospital room. Elliot turned him around roughly as he grabbed his arm.

"I'm here because I care." His teeth were gritted so tightly together that it was more of a snarl than a reply.

Cassidy pushed him - hard. "Bullshit."

The doctor and nurses finished bandaging her and were exiting the room when Cassidy reentered. Her eyes were open, but she felt she still couldn't spare energy to speak. It was like her tongue was unusable. She gave him only a weak smile as she blinked silently. Then her expression changed. Her face drained of what color it had, her eyes stretching to full width. Cassidy turned around to find Elliot standing in the doorway behind Nick.

It couldn't be him. Why, after all this time, would he come back? Not a call, not a message or letter in two years, and here he was. Her heart hurt again. She had just gotten it to stop. But then her chest heaved painfully in angry gasps. Her eyes filled with tears of anger, pain, and confusion. Her eyebrows lowered themselves menacingly at him.

She was so mad at him. He had broken her heart, and now he chose to just show up again. He never knew how much it hurt her to see him go, and without a goodbye. Her chin quivered as her tongue lay helpless in the bottom of her dried mouth. He didn't have the capacity to think about others. And why not, of all people, her? She'd put up with his anger issues, his insults, his crap every day for 12 years and he waltzed out like it had been a game.

Cassidy was at her side as Elliot approached the doorway cautiously. She could tell by his step that he was scared to see her eyes so wild. She didn't care. He deserved it. If her mouth was able to make words, she'd give him more than piece of her mind. She'd call him every awful name in the book, the one she'd been collecting through decades of the vile language of pedophiles and murderers. But she could only speak through her eyes. Cassidy sat down, aware she was extremely upset.

"Try and rest."

He spoke softly, but knowing full well she wouldn't close her eyes until she saw him leave.

Her chest heaved in anger, her eyes filling with tears as she glared at him. He felt her gaze pierce him, almost physically. He had never seen her so livid before. It was terrifying for him. The words he saw running across her angry eyes were explicit, mean, powerful, and yet true.

She was so mad that her hands, sliced into bloody pulps, had clenched the sheets at her side in pure hatred. He took a step back as Brian looked up from her side. Nick turned to speak to him, his voice now calm, but still laced with that protective tone Elliot used to remember hearing in his own voice.

"You happy?"

Elliot could take no more. He felt the guilt threatening to suffocate him as his throat tightened in agony. His eyes refused to cry, but they screamed, begging him to allow them to do so. He backed up slowly, and then he turned and traveled as fast as he possibly could down the stairs and out to where he had left his car.

Her stare still met him every time he closed his eyes. He had never seen so much hatred in one person. He could feel it seeping out of her veins. But what had he expected? Had he thought she would hold his hand? Hug him? Smile at him after what he'd done? What an absurd thought to have had.

Olivia felt the tears beginning to sting her wound on her cheek as they spilt. She could have said so much to that man who had once been her best friend, and now was nothing but a stranger. Her hatred had filled her entire body, and yet she felt a pain when she saw him, a pain from deep within.

Elliot had been at her side for over a decade, a long time for any police pair to survive. And she thought they would forever. It had all been torn down when he'd left without so much as a goodbye. The letter he sent her, his marine badge and message "Semper fi" had been a solid slap in the face. It had been lie. If he was to be always faithful to her, he wouldn't have left. The words spoken to her brought her back.

"Liv. Liv take it easy." Nick was trying to prevent her from blowing a fuse.

He knew it'd hurt her if she got too worked up. Her blood was pumping hard and fast through the gaping hole that sat, almost exposing her heart to the outside of her body. Her partner had approached the bed as Cassidy stood above her. She couldn't say anything. She just glanced from man to man.

"You have to calm down. You can't get your blood pumpin' like that." Brian sat next to her again.

The exhaustion set in again. Her heart slowed, her mind still spinning. Olivia felt her body shutting itself down in defense of her sudden spike in blood pressure, and she didn't fight it. She closed her eyes and let the darkness take her.

"Liv." Nick called.

He had seen her body collapse again. He knew what it felt like, what it looked like when it had happened in his arms only a night before. Cassidy touched her arm.

"Olivia."

He increased the volume of his voice. He shook her hand.

"Liv!" Now his voice was a yell.

"Clear the room." A doctor's voice suddenly came from the doorway as he lead his team of three in.

Cassidy stood up, his hand covering his mouth as he and Nick were escorted out and around the corner, out of view of Olivia. Both men stood with their arms crossed over their chests, hearts beating in a frenzy.

"Vitals are good." A nurse spoke loudly.

"Blood pressure spiked. Her pulse is erratic." Another reported.

It was like listening to a 911 call and being helpless to assist whoever so desperately needed it.

"Take the dose of painkillers down. We need her eyes open." The doctor instructed.

Nurses did so, and they watched as her pulse slowly steadied itself.

"Monitor her closely until she wakes up. She should be back within the hour. When she does up the dosage a little, but not too much."

The doctor walked out of the room and past Cassidy and Nick, who went around the corner to reenter the room. The three nurses finished and left.

"Good god." Nick didn't know he spoke out loud.

They both entered the room and took their seats, waiting for her to awake again.

* * *

Munch walked to the door when he heard the knock at 10:00. He looked through the peep hole and opened it, a smile on his face.

"Detective Tutuola. What can I do you for?"

Fin took a second glance at his partner, dressed only in his pajamas and matching robe, his hair a mess.

"You just get up, Ol' man?" He entered and shut the door behind him a Munch walked away with his coffee cup.

"Well we do have the day off. This is how I choose to spend it." He shrugged as he took a seat on the barstool at his high table.

"In your pajamas?" Fin raised his eyebrows and teased as he headed for a cup of coffee for himself.

He made himself at home. Munch sighed.

"You seen Liv yet?" He asked seriously.

Fin turned from where he poured the coffee from the pot in the kitchen. He put it down and leaned back, shaking his head.

"No." His voice was soft, discouraged.

Munch nodded.

"She's going to pull through. She has to - for the rest of us." He commented quietly to himself.

"It's not fair if she goes before me." He finished.

Fin had never heard the man so sincere. He seemed so scared. Fin joined him at the table.

"We don't get to choose that."

Munch met his eyes as his partner spoke.

"But I don't think she's ready to leave just yet. She'll pull through, Munch. She always does."

Munch nodded thoughtfully before taking a sip of his coffee. Fin basked in the silent morning he shared with his friend.

"How about we go see her this afternoon. After, of course, you're in real-people clothes." Fin smiled as munch did.

"I'll get changed right now. We can see her before lunch." He left the table, and reappeared twenty minutes later, fully clothed, and clean.

"Let's go!" He grabbed his keys off the counter, but Fin shook his head.

"I ain't about to go ridin' in a car with you through the city. I'm driving."

Munch gave him a smile accompanied with immediate compliance.

* * *

Elliot reached the building again and entered it, slipped the key into the door and stepped into the room in a blur. He slammed the door so hard behind him that the entire room shook. The overwhelming urge to throw something came over him, and he grabbed the first thing he saw. His mind was so confused with the pain, anger, and fear that he didn't even feel he had control over his own body anymore.

The coffee pot smashed into the wall, shattering into millions of tiny pieces. He stood, chest heaving, fists clenched at his side as he tried to take back his emotions. Tears pricked at his eyes as he grew angrier still. He had ruined the chance to ever repair the damage he had caused.

Until he had seen her eyes, the hatred within them, the words running across them, Elliot had believed everything could go back to being the way it was. They would be best friends like always, and the world would continue its cycle. But it was never going to be that way again, and the painful realization made Elliot's eyes grow red with fury and sadness.

He dropped to the bed, sliding down against the foot of it to the floor. His knees created a place for his elbows as his hands cradled his head. He had never lost control like he had that moment. The woman he cared so much about had spoken, without forming a single word. Still, she had brought down his world. He remained in that position for what seemed like hours, trying to keep his head from exploding. The sky began to reflect what his eyes were doing. It rained for hours.


	9. Strength Amidst Weakness

There was a knock on the door after Nick and Cassidy had been sitting in the silent room for ten minutes or so. Munch stood in the doorway alongside Fin. Both men wore slightly worried faces, their hands both clutching stuffed animals which had two balloons tied to each arm. Nick smiled as Cassidy did.

"She out again?" Fin walked in first, setting his bear and balloons on the windowsill of the rooms only window.

Munch did so too.

"She got upset. Blood pressure spike. Knocked herself out." Brian replied grimly.

The two men took seats.

"How was she feeling?" Munch asked quietly.

Nick sighed. "They've got her doped up. She's lucid, but in hardly any pain from what she showed."

"Well that's good."

They nodded.

"Elliot's back." Brain spoke quickly and sincerely. So far, he wasn't liking the guy. Munch and Fin took a look at each other before glancing back at their former colleague.

"He was here?" Munch was surprised and incredulous in his question.

Brian nodded. "Dropped by just a while ago. Got her so worked she went under again."

Fin sighed. "Boy she's gonna be pissed."

Brian smiled a little as Nick did. They both knew how fiery she could get.

"I can hear you." The whisper was barely audible, but each one of them heard it. Her eyes remained closed as she tried to hide that she was in pain. Their faces each held a smile after the initial shock.

"You ok?" Nick asked quietly.

Her eyes didn't open, and her head didn't move, but Cassidy and Nick could both see a tear slip from her closed eye.

"Yeah." Her whisper came again.

She had to be fine. That was her job. The nurses came in shortly after she spoke.

"We'll up your dose of painkillers. Might take a couple minutes to kick in." The one woman found Olivia's eyes open.

She was incapable of replying. She just weakly nodded as they worked to push more pain duller into her veins. She would be thankful when it did kick in. Her shoulder was on fire. It had a heartbeat of its own as the blood pumping through her tattered artery stretched the walls of her bandages painfully.

"Try and rest up. We don't want that blood pressure spiking again." The one younger nurse gave her a small smile before leaving with her colleague.

"He leave?" She asked, her eyes closing again as she tried to block out her hurt.

"Yeah. Munch and Fin are here though." Cassidy replied.

"Hey, Liv." Fin spoke up.

Her eyes opened again. She glanced at the bears and balloons on the windowsill and side table.

"I'm sure you have - better things to do."

She took an opportunity to breathe.

"On your day off."

She gave them a weak smile. Munch shook his head with a small chuckle.

"No we don't. You know that."

She heard his words, but felt her eyes close.

"Thanks." Her last word slipped from her mouth as she fell into an easy sleep.

"Cragen been here?" Munch asked.

Nick leaned back. "Yeah, this morning. Amanda was here too. Just missed your old pal." He replied.

Cassidy took his eyes from Olivia, his fear still eating at his stomach.

"Well maybe it's time for us to go chat with him then, huh?" Fin stood up with Munch.

"I think you're right. Good to see you, Cassidy. I'll be back sometime tonight to check in. Nick." Munch shook hands with his colleague after his former partner's.

"Yeah?" Nick took his hand meaningfully.

Munch gave him two raised eyebrows before speaking.

"Don't let Cassidy do anything stupid. You two stay put."

Nick smiled a little as Brian shook his head.

"No promises."

* * *

Elliot let the thunder shake the floor beneath him as the violent storms continued. He got to his feet an hour after he'd slid to the floor, walking to the window to watch the city under attack from the weather. The darkness of the daytime reflected the own in his soul.

A great sigh came from deep within him. The words that Nick and Cassidy had said were so true. He was thoughtless, selfish to have left on the terms that he did. He hadn't said goodbye. He had just taken his roots, torn them out of the ground, picked up his family, and left the city, the state, the region. It hadn't been fair to her or the rest of his team, and now he saw where the unfairness had gotten him.

Even if Olivia would have been able to speak to him, she wouldn't have communicated what she had that morning any clearer than what she did as she glared in silence. He deserved it. He knew he deserved more, too. A knock on his door brought him out of his deep thoughts.

With a furrow of his brow, Elliot turned and looked through the peephole on the door. His two former colleagues were standing before him. Without hesitation, he opened the door.

"Elliot Stabler." Fin and Munch both gave him small smiles and firm handshakes before entering the room.

"What are you guys doing here?" He let them in and flipped on the lights before he shut the door.

Munch sat down in the office chair as Fin took a seat on the bed.

"Seeing you." Munch replied. "And having a talk."

He finished with a solemn tone. Elliot paused, but sat down on the opposite bed, not speaking.

"You saw Liv today." Munch was taking control.

He couldn't stand the fact that his colleague was sitting in a hospital bed, and he was even more upset when he knew she had been bombarded with the return of her parter.

"Yeah. I did." Elliot replied, unsure of where the conversation was going.

"She's pissed." Fin chimed in.

He could feel his anger ready to explode out of him. He hadn't seen Elliot in over two years, but he knew what he had to say to make up for lost time.

Elliot snapped his head over to him, hesitating in his reply.

"I know. I saw her, Fin." His temper was rising again.

The tone his former colleagues were using was testing his ability to stay on the defense.

"Can't say I blame her." Munch sat back.

Elliot's head whipped around again, his temper rising faster.

"Is this what you guys came over here for? Because if you did, I already got this crap from Amaro and Cassidy. I don't need it from you two."

They caught the anger in his voice immediately. Fin leaned forward.

"Hey. You still think this is all about you? You're wrong. Olivia had a couple rough months, but she got past it. She's done with you. And you're gonna have a hard time changin' her mind." His voice was equally angry.

Elliot was stunned into silence.

"Elliot." Munch brought his head back into his view. "We just want to make sure you - you don't hurt her anymore than you already have." He finished calmly.

"I won't." Elliot swallowed.

"That used to be my job, you know." He looked down at his hands, remembering all the times he warned her boyfriend's that if they hurt her, they were dead to him.

"But it's ours now." Munch replied softly.

Elliot's eyes met his. He saw the concern and compassion in the old man's eyes. He cared so much about Olivia, just like Elliot did.

"So why'd you come back?" Fin was offensive again in his comment.

"Because I wanted to see Central Park in the spring. Come on, Fin. I heard about what happened." He paused.

"I might have left, but that doesn't mean I stopped caring."

The anger in both men's eyes heated the room up.

"Oh, and we're supposed to believe that? The moment you thought about leaving, you stopped caring. That badge you sent Liv? Yeah, I saw it. She walked around in bad shape for days after you sent her that. She was trying to forget, and you tortured her when you made her remember."

Fin was out of breath by the time he had voiced his anger. He had watched his girl walk around, going through the motions as her soul hollowed out. He had missed her laugh and her smile, and now that he'd finally gotten both of them back, Elliot waltzed in and took them away again. Munch intervened.

"Fin."

"That wasn't supposed to-" Elliot began.

"If you would have taken you're hand and slapped her across the face, that would have hurt her less after she got that piece of crap." Fin spat.

"You two can leave." Elliot stood up and walked toward the door, opening it for the two of them.

He was sick of being attacked. Munch stood up, watching as Fin walked swiftly down the hall.

"Elliot, she still cares. I know you do too. If you didn't, you wouldn't have come." Munch was speaking as he stood in the doorway with Elliot.

"Just give her a little time. Maybe she has it in her to forgive you."

He wished she did, but he was unsure. After being beaten down by everything life had thrown at her, Olivia wasn't the same woman she had been. She had changed. And maybe she wouldn't be able to go back.

Elliot nodded, taking the words of his elder into his mind. As Munch walked away, he turned back.

"And Elliot?"

Elliot stopped and poked his head out the door.

"Yeah?"

Munch smiled. "It's good to see you."

Elliot smiled as well, his temper dissolving. "You too, John."

* * *

Nick left the hospital when Olivia had fallen asleep at 1:00. Cassidy stayed in his chair diligently until 4:30 when Amanda appeared in the door again.

"You're still here? God I want a man like you." She smiled at him.

He smiled back. "She's been out for four hours."

Brian motioned to Olivia. Amanda entered.

"I thought I'd drop by and stay a couple hours, just to keep her company, but since you're here-" Cassidy cut her off as he stood.

He saw that she wanted to spend time helping her coworker, and he wanted to give her the opportunity.

"I was gonna cut out for some supper anyway. Good timing, Rollins." He began to walk out, but turned back to her.

"You'll hold the fort?" He gave her a smile.

She nodded, "I'll do my best."

Then he was gone.

She turned to look back at her fearless leader. Her hair was spread around her perfectly. Amanda chuckled to herself. Even after being tortured and shot, Olivia's hair was still perfect.

She took a seat next to the bed. The bruise over Olivia's closed eye was blackening by the minute, it seemed. The gash which led the bruise up around her closed eye was still angry and red beneath the tiny white bandages holding it together. Another bruise was forming on her left cheekbone, the shapes of knuckles clearly visible to Amanda in the form of blue and purple ruptured blood vessels.

She sighed, willing herself to look at her sliced hands. Gently, without even thinking, the young detective reached out and touched Olivia's hand. She moved it to her lap gingerly, holding it with both of her hands cradling it.

The bandages were rough against her skin, but she kept the hand in hers.

"I knew we'd be here one day."

She spoke quietly to the sleeping woman and glanced down.

"You're so busy watching out for us that you don't have a chance to watch out for yourself."

The words were sucked out of her mouth and into the quiet air in the room. The rain pattered against the windows as muffled rumbles of thunder followed flashes of light.

"I should have known it'd be you. I wish I could have - been there, or done something - anything."

Her guilt was beginning to show. It was only natural.

"I'm sorry, Liv." Her voice became a whisper as her throat closed.

Olivia's rising and falling chest answered her in silence as she slept deeply in the darkness that had almost taken her permanently only hours before.

She would be ok.

She had to be.


	10. Those Three Words

Rafael Barba walked into the squad room the following morning to find the only familiar face to be the captain's in his office. He paused before walking straight over and entering the room. He closed the door behind him, swallowing.

"Captain Cragen."

His voice was still as brisk and sharp as always. The captain looked up.

"Mr. Barba. What do you need?" Cragen asked.

"I just dropped by to pick up the extra files 1PP said you had." Barba replied.

Cragen stood up and went to the filing cabinet in the corner of his room. As he shuffled through the drawers, Rafael spoke again.

"How is she?"

His sincerity and concern made the captain look up. He shook his head.

"She's hanging in there." He replied.

"And the case?"

Barba shifted his weight to his other foot as he leaned against Cragen's desk.

"CSU has him on surveillance two hours before she came home. But he caught a break again. Camera in her hallway was not functioning at the time he would have been there." He sighed in defeat.

If there was a break to catch, Lewis caught it.

"What about DNA, trace, fingerprints?" Cragen felt his heart begin to race as he thought of the possibility of this guy getting away as a free man again.

He had said he wasn't finished with Olivia, and Cragen knew if he had a chance to get to her again, she wouldn't come out alive. Barba shook his head.

"They're still in the apartment and waiting on primary results. Lewis is being transported from Bellevue to Central Booking tonight. His lawyer is already down my throat for failing to inform her that he was in custody."

A silence erupted between them as Cragen located the files and reached to hand them to him.

"He didn't - did he?" The lawyer had a timid quality to his voice, one that Cragen had never before heard from the spunky man.

The captain shook his head. "No. She fought like hell."

He nodded. "I'll need someone to take her statement when she's strong enough. I'll talk to her about the case when she's ready. Trial begins again on Monday if he doesn't take the deal."

Cragen snapped his head up. "You offered a plea deal?" His eyes were wide.

"I wanted to at least attempt saving Olivia from having to testify." His tone was, again, low and calm, his words slower than he'd ever spoken them before.

Captain Cragen actually felt shocked at the man's focus on his friend and colleague rather than putting his own agenda first.

"What's the deal?" He questioned.

Rafael picked up his briefcase after putting the files inside. He held it as it dangled at his side.

"He pleads guilty to attempted murder, attempted rape, and assault on a police officer. 40 years with the possibility of parole after 35 years served."

Cragen nodded, still feeling that it was not long enough. He wanted that monster locked away until the day he died in the very cell he'd sat for years for attacking Olivia.

He couldn't speak. Barba nodded at him silently and then began to leave the office. He left the captain in the silence of the room. Cragen watched him go, and after he had disappeared, took out his phone and called Cassidy. That was just about as good as getting a doctor.

He was always at her side, and so far Cragen was impressed with him.

"Yeah, Captain." He answered, his rough voice unmistakable.

"Just checking in. How is she?" Cragen asked in reply.

"Well she's wide awake if that was what you were wondering. Doc's got her on painkillers, but he downed her dosage."

Cassidy stood up from the side of the bed and left the room after holding up a finger to Olivia as to motion his prompt return.

"She's in some pain, but she's handling it well." He finished.

Cragen nodded. "They know when she'll be released?"

A pause.

"They're still monitoring blood pressure and everything. I haven't heard anything official, but I think they'll be keeping her for three or four more days, just to make sure."

Cassidy sat back down in the room with Olivia.

"Alright. Well tell her the squad is missing her. Thanks, Brian."

"Sure."

Cassidy hung up the phone and turned back to where Olivia was lying. He could tell she was hurting. He could see it in her eyes as she struggled to keep from squirming uncomfortably. Her forehead was beginning to head with sweat as her heart pained in its beating. He reached over and pressed the call button. A nurse immediately appeared in the doorway.

"Everything ok?" She entered.

"I think I could use a few more drugs." Olivia grit her teeth as she closed her eyes a little.

She could take a lot, but this was too much.

The woman nodded, "I'll bump the dose up a little."

She expertly felt around the IV bag and did her work before stepping back and waiting for the painkiller to seep into Olivia's veins. Olivia began to feel relief only minutes after the nurse had fixed her problem.

"Feel it?" The nurse questioned.

"Yes. Thank you."

She watched the nurse leave the room and then turned toward the man that had taken her by surprise. He smiled at her, leaning forward in his chair.

"Captain says the team misses you." Despite the pain it caused her, she put her sore hand in his.

She paused, not even going to formulate a response. She changed the subject.

"You don't have to stay here, Brian. I know you have a life to live."

She gave him a smile in return. He held her hand gently and shook his head.

"There's no point in living my life if I can't spend my time where you are." He replied softly.

She sighed compassionately. He was a keeper.

"Besides, there's so much to do here."

She smiled wider as he looked around the room.

"Stare out the window, read this magazine for the millionth time. It's great."

When she laughed a little, it hurt. But it was a good hurt. They stopped their conversation and just watched each other for a silent moment. Her black eye and blackened cheek gave him goosebumps, guilt taking over him again.

She read what he was thinking as she watched him. She breathed deeply and moved her hand in his.

"What he did to me wasn't your fault, Brian." She let the words sink in.

He didn't ever break eye contact.

"I could have done something. I should have been there."

He found his lips moving on their own accord as his heart spoke. Liv gave him a small smile and then shook her head slowly.

"You have been - for the last two days." She replied reassuringly.

Brian felt a calm go through him as he relaxed. Her words struck a chord of harmony within his body. He had to know it was true.

"I'm sorry." His voice dropped to a whisper.

Olivia moved her finger around on his hand.

"I know."

The thoughts were running through his head at a million miles per hour, but yet he felt free and calm when he met Olivia's eyes.

He sighed.

"You know I've been thinking a lot about - us."

She took a deep breath, trying to forget the pain she could still feel pricking at her nerves.

"And I saw something in that magazine when you were being antisocial."

She smiled at him. His humor did that to her, and she never wanted it to end. It felt good to smile. He smiled back as he gently caressed her hand in his.

"Here."

He took his one hand from hers and reached for the single magazine on the table beside him. He flipped through it before stopping at the page, the simple page that held only colorful words encased in quotation marks. He held it in front of her so she could see. Olivia read the words.

'Life is short. There is no time to leave important words left unsaid.'

She looked up at him when she finished reading, a small smile on her face, an even smaller tear in her eye. He replaced the magazine on the table and took her hand in both of his again. He looked her straight in the eye, knowing he had passed the point of no return. If he said what he needed to say, that would be that, and he couldn't go back. But he didn't want to go back. He sighed for the thousandth time, or so it felt.

"Liv -" Brian stopped when he saw her face again.

Olivia already knew what he was going to say, but she waited to hear it for sure.

"I really screwed up 13 years ago." He began with his honest feelings.

"If I wouldn't have, I would have had 13 more years with you, this, us." He looked down for only a moment.

Olivia swallowed. The words were ready to come out of her too, and once he said them, she would tell him the same. He swallowed almost as hard as Olivia had.

"I've never said this before and actually meant it like I do now. I love you, Liv."

She felt a tightening in her throat as she tried to contain her tears. She felt the familiar twinge of pain as she squeezed his hand gently and nodded.

"I love you too." She replied, her voice almost choked off.

Brian smiled at her, feeling relieved, happier than ever. They held their gaze for a long moment.

"Now rest up, so I can get you out of this god-awful place." He said after the pause.

She smiled again. It was no chore around him.

"You want to go ask the doctor when they'll let me go?" She asked.

Her voice was lower than usual, crackly almost. She wasn't tired anymore, just in pain.

Brian sighed, "I already asked him - three times."

She raised her eyebrows a little, to which he answered by standing and placing her hand next to her again.

"Alright. But this is the last time."

She gave him another small smile. He'd never grow tired of seeing it. Now, after almost losing her, he knew how lucky he really was. He had screwed up, but he had gotten her back, and he planned to hold onto her for as long as he possibly could. She watched him leave, a smile still on her face. She was a lucky woman. She winced as she shifted herself in the bed. The pain infiltrated her again, this time with much power. Maybe not so lucky.

* * *

Elliot rolled himself out of the hotel bed and got dressed, walking out of the building into the warm air of that Thursday morning. He got in his vehicle and traveled through the streets of the city he used to own. He used to own it with her. But now he'd rather die than see the look he had on her face.

He should have told her what she'd meant to him. He should have said goodbye. The car took an unexpected jerk when he turned abruptly onto the precinct's street and pulled into the parking lot across the way. He had almost forgotten where he had been going.

The walk into the building, the stop at the front desk to be cleared to go up, the unfamiliar elevator ride up to the squad room had the memories flooding back. And with them came guilt. He paused when the doors opened on the floor he had gotten off every day for over a decade of his life.

Hesitantly, Elliot took the hallway and entered the squad room, which was as busy as he'd remembered it. He saw the man he was looking for as he stood in the office where he'd always been. Elliot walked past the unfamliar faces in the room as he headed to where he needed to be.

He failed to knock, but entered of his own free will. The captain looked up.

"Elliot Stabler."

He knew that tone. It was one he was too familiar with, even though it'd been 3 years since he'd last heard it. Elliot shoved his hands in his pockets, and readied himself to ask for help.


	11. The Fight Ahead

"Captain."

Elliot approached Cragen quickly, shaking his hand before drawing back again. The captain was honestly surprised that Elliot would show up at the precinct, of all places, especially after arguing with Fin and Munch two days before. Word traveled fast.

"What can I do for you?" He motioned for his former detective to have a seat as he took his own.

Elliot just wandered around the room, taking it in.

"I see nothing's changed in here."

He took a look at the pictures on the wall, the plaques that had been hanging all the years he'd been with the unit. Cragen leaned back.

"No, not much."

He was curious as to his reappearance in his office, but was willing to wait to find out. Elliot was obviously apprehensive as to his motive.

"Team has, though." Elliot stopped, thinking momentarily of the team he had been a part of three years before.

Cragen spoke softly, hoping not to set his temper off.

"People move. Things change. That's life."

He had heard Fin repeating the words from their encounter. Elliot jerked his head back toward his captain, recognizing his own words.

"So you know." He let his shoulders drop.

It was too much for him to keep up the front he was trying to maintain. Elliot dropped into the seat across from Cragen, who studied him carefully.

"Yeah. I do."

Elliot leaned back and rested his leg on his knee comfortably.

"How am I supposed to fix this? You've got to know. You're still her captain." Elliot began the real conversation he had traveled across the city to have.

Cragen sighed in reply, putting his elbows on the table and folding his hands together.

"That's up to you to figure out. She wasn't very happy with the way I handled things either." He admitted.

"Why's that?" Elliot wanted to hear more.

It felt like he had never left, like he could still talk to his captain the way he used to.

The captain was honest. "She didn't want to work with new people. She wanted you back, and I think she wanted to think you _were_ coming back. I was too hard on her a little too soon."

Cragen was sucked into the past as he remembered. Elliot took it all into his mind in stride.

"Your stuff is still in her locker if you want it back." Cragen finished.

Elliot looked up. "She kept it?" He asked incredulously.

Cragen nodded. "I made her clean your desk out a week after you left. She was so upset I thought she was going to follow you and walk straight out that door."

Elliot sighed. "What do I do?"

Honestly, in his head, he had imagined her smiling at him, hugging him when she saw him. Now that he knew how she really felt, he was struggling to breathe. There was nothing he could do but ask for help.

Cragen looked straight back at him. "Give her time." He replied.

He knew how forgiving she could be, especially toward Elliot. Even so, he was honestly unsure if she could ever forgive him for what'd he'd done to her.

"How much?" Elliot swallowed.

He wasn't usually one to ask questions. He was the one giving the answers.

Cragen then leaned back in his seat, seeing how much Elliot really longed to get her friendship back.

"You'll know. It was just too much for her yesterday. How long do you plan on sticking around?" The captain asked.

Elliot shifted, shrugging a little as he leaned, his elbows on his knees.

"As long as it takes." He replied.

"Trial starts Monday." Captain Cragen clicked his pen as he eyed Elliot closely.

"I'm not leaving until he's locked up." Elliot stood up and turned to leave.

Cragen smiled a little. That dedication was something he missed greatly.

"I'm glad your back, Elliot. For as little a time we have you, at least."

Cragen spoke to Elliot's back as he watched him leave. Elliot turned back with a small grin on his face.

"It's good to be back." He turned and then left the room, the building, the street.

* * *

Olivia sat up straighter when she awoke again to find the room still occupied by her Cassidy, his feet on her bed as he slept, head back, mouth open, seated in the chair he had been rooted to since the moment she'd dozed off an hour or so before. She figured he must have slipped into sleep along with her after the captain's call.

She couldn't help but smile at him, his soft breaths only audible to her in the silent room. She shifted her weight in the bed and pressed the button on the remote beside her that sat the bed upright. The sun of the morning hours was penetrating the large window that overlooked the city, and she took a moment to think.

Her nerves were on edge as she thought about the pending case. Even if Barba offered Lewis a deal (she highly doubted he would), he would turn it down and drag Olivia into that courtroom just so he could give her that smile, that look she'd seen as he had tied her to the bed and intimately attacked her.

The bed moved when Cassidy jerked out of a dream. Her head snapped back toward him, chuckling quietly. He struggled to put his head upright and held a hand to his neck when he finally returned to his neck to the line his spine made. He blinked tiredly.

"You're still here?" She was still grinning ear to ear as he nodded painfully.

"Where else would I be? Five-star accommodations they got here." He cracked yet another joke that made Olivia laugh.

The pain was duller now, a relief for her.

"Seriously, Brian. You can go home. I'm ok." She wanted him to get some rest.

By the way he was looking at her, he needed it.

"I-"

"Don't. You need to sleep. Go home, take a shower, sleep. I'll be here when you get back." She took his hand and patted it reassuringly.

He stood up and leaned over, kissing her forehead gingerly. He pulled back and looked at her, his face mere inches from hers.

With the tone she used, he knew it was no use to protest. He was a losing man in this battle of love, but he was proud to be that man, her man.

"You promise?" He whispered.

She smiled and nodded, whispering back. "I promise."

He put his lips on hers quickly and then stood up straight, checking his watch.

"I'll call Munch. Maybe he can bring you a decent lunch." Cassidy stopped when he was in the doorway, and he turned back, one hand clutching the frame.

"I'll be back." He smiled a little.

She reflected his expression. "I know."

He gave her one last look before heading home. Olivia immediately looked down at her hands. The shallow cuts and scratches were looking better already, but the deep lacerations that razor blade had made in her palms and fingers were only beginning to heal. They hurt a lot less, but her body was still sore, exhausted.

She lay her head back on the pillow just in time to see a figure out of the corner of her eye in her doorway. She turned her head as the man knocked.

"Barba." She was surprised, but smiled at him genuinely.

"Hey, Olivia." He entered as swiftly as she'd ever seen him walk and took a seat next to her.

"I know it's the last thing you want to think about, but-"

She interrupted him. "I haven't stopped thinking about it since I woke up in this awful place."

She knew he was prosecuting the case. She knew that's what he was there to talk about. He sighed and glanced down hesitantly.

"I offered him a deal." He met her eyes again.

She felt her chest collapse, her fear both dissolving and then washing over her, threatening to destroy her in only a minute's time.

"And?" She urged him on.

"He refused to take it, as I had envisioned." Barba replied simply.

Olivia shook her head. "I'm going to call Cragen, have him come in and take my statement later today."

He couldn't even hear her. as he tried to keep his eyes from her injuries, he aske dhis next question.

"Trial starts Monday. I'll have to call you as soon as you're well enough to testify." He paused as he saw the fear in the very color of her eyes.

The blackness of the bruises on her body, the cuts on her face and hands had his eyes prisoner. He couldn't stop trying to imagine what she'd gone through.

She nodded, swallowing before continuing.

"You have solid evidence yet?" She questioned hopefully.

Barba leaned back a little.

"CSU is running all DNA samples, surveillance, and fingerprints as quickly as possible. I know they're being thorough after their last mistake, but I've been assured I'll have the results by tomorrow morning. I think we've got him this time."

He hoped with every fiber within him that he was right. He had let the case get away and it had almost killed her. His guilt, however, would not distract him in his second chance to get justice - this time for her. It was his job now to do his part in protecting the detective. What was done was done, but his duty was not yet fulfilled. When he'd put Lewis behind bars, watched the door close, and was absolutely sure that he was going to be there forever, then and only then could Barba rest.

Olivia knew he was trying to keep eye contact, but his gaze wandered to her injuries. She had seen it the moment he'd walked in.

"It doesn't hurt much." The simple phrase was the truth.

It did hurt more than she would ever let on, but no one had to know it. He looked as if he'd been caught. She smiled a little at his alarm.

"You know, I thought you'd be used to this, seeing people like this."

Barba bit his lip. "I thought so too."

He breathed deeply.

"But it's different when it's someone you know."

He stood up and gave her a sideways smile, the one she had seen many times in the courtroom before. It was his 'I'm about to kick the crap out of you' smirk. She couldn't help but smile again.

"You ready to put this bastard away?"

She pushed herself into the pillows as she took a shallow breath and pursed her lips. "You take care of the first part, and I'll throw away the key." She smiled.

"Sounds like a plan to me." He already felt better, if only a little.

She was and would always be that same woman he'd met only a year before. Nothing could take her fearlessness from her, not even this.

"You need anything, you call."

She thanked him and offered a farewell before he left her alone again. Another day in the boring insanity of the hospital - a place where, she recalled her captain saying, "the longer you stay the sicker you get."

* * *

Nick met Fin, Munch, and Amanda at the bar down the street from the precinct on their second mandatory day off. The captain had called the previous night, telling them all to stay home for the next two days, relax over the weekend, and get ready for the trial the next week.

He walked into the small building, finding his colleagues sitting at the table they always claimed during particularly challenging cases.

Amanda gave him a slight head nod, "Hey."

Nick let Fin pull a stool up for him and sat down, greeting them in return.

"So what did you guys call me down here at 11:30 in the morning to talk about?" Nick looked from person to person as they sat with drinks in front of them, half gone.

"A little early to be drinking, isn't it?" He smiled as they all did.

Amanda shook her head. "Not today."

Munch spoke. "Cassidy called. Hospital plans to let Liv out tomorrow or Saturday, depending on her pain and condition." He began.

Nick nodded, "That's good news. You guys going to see her today?" He asked them.

"I was planning to head up there right after we're done here." Amanda replied.

"Yeah, me too." Fin chimed in.

"Well then let's all go. I'm sure she'd appreciate company in that place." Nick suggested.

Munch nodded. "I'm sure she would. If you're not already insane when you go in, you become so staring at those colorless walls, out the windows, and down the endless hallways."

Munch took a sip of his drink as Fin looked over at him with a furrow in his brow.

"And how do you know all this?" Amanda found herself smiling as she asked him.

Munch shrugged, placing his drink back on the table.

"Bullet to the ass a few years ago."

Nick laughed, shaking his head. They all were relieved to smile again and shared in a moment of joy.

"Ok. Let's get down to business."

Munch brought them back with a smile still gracing his face. They all needed to smile to shake off the heavy burden that kept adding to the weight they carried day to day. The steadily falling snow of chilling setbacks and fears added to the heaping banks building in strength and viciousness on each of their backs.

They hadn't been able to prevent it, but they would fight until it broke them to make it right - as right as it could ever be. No one was spared the pain of thinking it was too late.

Things had already changed.


	12. A Good Woman

"Barba asked us to stop by tomorrow to talk about what's going to be happening with the case. CSU promised results tomorrow morning." Munch began after Nick had received a drink.

"You think he'll call us all?" Amanda questioned.

Nick shrugged, "We handled the case. We know Liv. I think we'll be the most credible witnesses on the stand." He replied.

"I agree. But he wants us to know everything the defense is going to try and throw at us. We have DNA; we have a victim. This time we've got him." Fin said reflectively.

They all remembered hearing the words Olivia had said in the frustration of the moment after receiving the call that confirmed their worst fears. The judge had declared a mistrial, and Lewis was out on bail. She had been giving up. The case had torn her apart as she killed herself trying to get him behind bars. The silence was broken when Nick spoke.

"Barba had better have a good preliminary hearing today. If Lewis gets out on bail, Liv's in trouble."

They felt their feet immediately freeze. No one had even thought about it.

"We've got her back if he does." Amanda said quietly.

"I doubt any judge would even consider granting him bail with the crimes he's being charged with. Attempted rape and murder, and assault of a police officer are crimes that usually keep every suspect behind bars throughout trial." Munch offered hopefully.

"Whatever happens happens." Amanda sighed in defeat.

She'd never before been so emotionally drained as she felt that moment. Another silence came over them as they reflected on what had happened, what might have happened, and what could still potentially happen.

"Ok. Let's go see our girl, huh?" Fin pushed his stool out and stood up, swinging his keys on his fingers.

"Oh you're not driving." Amanda smiled a little, shaking her head.

"I've got this, Amanda."

The other two followed behind, both wearing grins, all hoping to relieve the anxiety their hearts felt.

"We are going to look like clowns rolling down the street in this." Nick commented as they opened the doors of the car.

"It's only ten minutes away. Get in, children."

Munch opened the opposite door and let Amanda slide in.

* * *

Cassidy remained at home for a long while, relaxing on the couch after eating a good late breakfast, snoozing a little in his bed, and having three cups of coffee. He felt good in the haven of his home, but his legs were restless, ready to take him back to her bedside.

He smiled a little as he flipped through TV channels, his arm behind his head as he lounged. He had finally said that he loved her. He had known for a long time, but now they both knew it. His phone's ringing took him out of his thoughts. He reached behind him to answer.

"Morning John." Brian greeted his former partner.

When Munch responded, it was obvious he was smiling.

"Didn't expect you to be up. You've changed a lot in a decade, Partner."

Brian sat up a bit. "Yeah yeah. What do you want?"

Munch smiled wider. "I got your message. What does Liv even eat for lunch?"

"She told me all she wants is yogurt." Brian recalled easily.

"Well I've got the troops searching the McDonald's menu. I may be jumping to a conclusion here, but I don't think a fat-distributing joint like this even offers water as a healthy alternative."

Cassidy allowed himself to laugh. "Just get her a parfait. After eating the crap the hospital has, she'll be happy to get anything remotely tasty."

He heard Munch chuckle at the other end of the line. "Parfait, done. You at the hospital still?"

Brian shook his head, even though he knew his gesture couldn't be seen.

"I was until earlier this morning. I woke up in that chair with one hell of a neck ache. She sent me home."

Another chuckle. "You've got a good woman."

Brian felt the chills run down his spine and settle into his veins. He knew it was true.

His woman.

"Yeah I do."

Munch paused before speaking again.

"We're on our way now to give her some lunch. We'll keep her company until you get back."

"Alright. Hold the fort, John."

"Will do, Cassidy."

He replaced the phone on the stand beside the couch and leaned back to scroll through channels again. After something so horrible, it was hard to believe good would come from it. But he had found a deeper love for Olivia than he ever had before.

After almost losing her, he cherished every minute he spent with her, whether she was sleeping or awake. His life was with her, for however long he had left to breathe. Every moment would be his to spend, his to remember, his to hold. There was no way anyone would take that away.

* * *

Fin parked in the visitor's lot at the base of the hospital. As he got out, he smiled.

"See. You're safe on the streets with me." He locked the vehicle as they walked alongside each other, Amanda holding the bag containing the parfait.

They went into the elevator in silence.

"Why are we up so early?" Fin found himself asking them all.

"It's 12:00 Fin." Amanda smiled.

"We're on duty even when we're not." Nick replied.

"I've been around long enough to know that. Just a couple more hours would have been nice."

The doors opened and their legs took them down the hallway. They slowed their pace when the door of room 112 came into view. Amanda entered carefully, already seeing that Olivia was awake, staring out the window at the city.

"Hey, Liv."

Her head came around, a smile forming on her lips.

"Hey." She greeted them in return.

"You haven't eaten yet, right?" Nick asked his partner.

She looked to have more energy, more color to her face.

"No, thank god. The food here is awful. I was hoping they forgot." Olivia replied.

Her humor hadn't changed at all.

"We made a lunch stop. We were told you like yogurt, so we got you the next best thing." Munch said as Amanda put the bag on the side table.

Olivia felt so relieved by their kindness. They'd never know what their actions meant to her. They took a seat, whether on an actual chair or on the arm of one that was already occupied. Olivia tenderly reached into the bag and pulled out the parfait.

"Thank you." She smiled at them all, popping the lid off and gripping the spoon and taking the goodness into her mouth.

"Don't you guys ever work?" She spoke lightly between spoonfuls.

Nick shook his head. "Not today."

"Or tomorrow." Fin finished.

Olivia swallowed and looked quizzically at them.

"Cragen's gotten soft." She took another spoonful.

"He wants us to be ready for trial Monday. What about you? You ready?" Fin leaned forward as he spoke.

Olivia gripped the yogurt cup harder. "I don't have a choice."

He answer sent them all into silence. No one knew what to say.

"That's a shiner he gave you. How are you feeling, Nick?" She broke the silence, knowing no one else could.

Nick nodded, reaching up to feel the bruise on his cheek. "I'm fine. It's worse than it looks."

Olivia now knew what they'd been hearing from her.

"But I'm not the one with a hole in my chest. How's _your_ pain been?" Nick looked from her bruises on her cheek and eye, over to the gash in her cheek, to the bandages covering her gunshot wound, down to where her torn hands held her cup gingerly.

New bruises were noticeable to him and the others as they formed on both her arms. Nick hoped he was the only one who had seen the definite bite mark just below her collar bone where her skin showed. He knew deep down that he wasn't.

"I'm feeling better. Ready to leave, that's for sure." She replied honestly.

"You'll be out of here soon." Fin assured her what she already knew.

"Not soon enough." She realized how serious her tone had become and gave a soft smile after her last words.

"Has Barba been here?" Amanda steered them away from the subject, knowing how frustrating it was being able to do nothing but sit in a bed all day, every day.

Now she knew how it had felt like to be those who had been there every step of the way after she was shot.

"Yeah. I know what's happening." Olivia took another bite of her lunch, wishing it would take the fear from her stomach, if only for a moment.

She set the cup aside as she looked from person to person, reading their thoughts through their expressions. Even though she couldn't find a way to admit it, she was glad for company, a distraction from her thoughts throughout the morning hours. Their loyalty and compassion toward her surprised her, but made her happy. She didn't need a family; she already had one.

* * *

Captain Cragen was answering calls all morning as his phone rang off the hook. Every news station, radio station, precinct was calling for information on the case. After speaking to the commissioner, he answered a call from 1PP.

The unit handling the case was aware that Olivia had yet to make a statement. Cragen informed them that he was planning to take it later in the day, but was shut down when IAB came up. Headquarters was sending one of their own to take the statement so as to avoid any accusation of biased or prompted testimony from Olivia - the victim.

Nick was required to give his statement to another officer, even though he had already had it recorded by Fin that Tuesday night on the way to the hospital. The captain knew Liv was not going to be happy about having to give her painful statement to a member of the Bureau which had gone after her and her former partner many times on a variety of false charges.

Cragen could only hope to God that they didn't sent Tucker. He wasn't afraid for her. He was afraid for him. If Lt. Tucker showed up at her hospital room, Cragen feared she might lash out and kill the man. He couldn't say he'd blame her either.

When he had arrested her in the squad room, her body broken down, her Kleenex's falling out of her pockets, Cragen had done everything in his power to keep from reaching out and strangling him.

She was not going to be happy about this.

* * *

At 1:00, the team of the doctor and nurses entered the room, redressing her wound again. Olivia bit her tongue as the pain pricked at her nerves again. They only made her feel better when the doctor wrote on his clipboard and spoke.

"Looks like you'll be out of here tomorrow, Detective. Everything's healing well." He smiled at her, a gesture which she could not bring herself to reflect.

They left her again and let the others reenter.

"Alright, you good to go?" Fin asked.

She nodded, still unsmiling. "Tomorrow."

Cassidy's face appeared behind them in the doorway as they filed in.

"Look who decided to show up." Munch shook Brian's hand as he entered the room.

"John." He nodded. "Any news?"

He looked straight at Olivia, who now found herself smiling despite the pain again.

"They're letting me go tomorrow." She replied.

"What if we break you out tonight?" Even Nick found himself grinning at Cassidy's remark.

"I think that's against the rules." Fin chuckled.

"I guess I can do one more night. Thanks for keeping her company, guys."

Brian moved to where his chair sat unoccupied.

"No problem. Next time, you're buying me lunch." Nick made a comment that actually made Brian smile.

"Aright. But after I go back to work. I've got no money to buy _myself_ food at the moment." He joked.

"The perks of being NYPD blue." Amanda said, a grin making its way across her lips.

"We all know it." Cassidy chuckled.

"We'll see you guys tomorrow. Bye, Liv." Fin waved before leaving the doorway.

The others said their farewells and Cassidy and Olivia were in silence again. She grabbed his hand.

"You smell clean." She commented with a weak grin.

He returned the smile, chucking. "Makes one of us."


	13. People Change

**Alright, this one got a little long, but I didn't have the heart to cut any of it. Hope you like!**

Olivia answered Cragen's phone call, only to be interrupted by the sudden appearance of no one but Lt. Edward Tucker standing in her doorway. Cragen had begun to speak, but she already knew what he had to tell her.

"I know, Cap. He's standing in my doorway right now." She sighed in defeat.

He didn't enter until she hung up the phone. She was glad that Cassidy, gone for a coffee run, was out of the room. He would have killed the man.

"Come in." She waved her hand.

He looked as evil as ever as he sat down where Brian had been the past few days.

"I take it you've heard that your captain can't take your statement."

His tone was softer than usual, if only by a little. Olivia looked back at him angrily.

"Yes, thanks. And they sent you, of all people? Or do you still have a thing for terrorizing SVU?"

Her anger was evident to him. He held his notepad and a pen, poised to write.

"I'm just doing my job."

She was surprised at the reply. Where had the grinch gone? He would usually have said everything in the book that he knew pissed her off.

"You were attacked on Tuesday night, correct?" He began to write.

His voice irritated her, sending her teeth together in lengthy periods of clenching, her head pounding.

"Yes."

He looked up again. "I'm sorry for what happened to you, but we have to get this over with." Lt. Tucker felt a pang of sympathy within him.

Her partner was gone, for which he was grateful. He aimed to take Elliot Stabler down a notch, and now he didn't have to deal with that anymore.

Olivia stared long and hard at the man. Had he just said the word 'sorry?' There was no way.

"Just tell me what happened." He pressed on.

Olivia swallowed, took her eyes away from his, and leaned back, willing herself to do the most painful part of the process yet. That feeling of shame, failure, and pain welled up inside her. She had to tell the man she'd so long hated the intimate details of her attack. She refused to look at him as she told him what Lewis had done to her, what she'd done to him.

When the painful remembrance was over, Tucker stood up, finding her eyes.

"It's no fun to terrorize you if you're dead, Detective Benson."

He didn't crack a smile as he spoke.

"Take better care of yourself. I plan on keeping at it a while longer." The small, sincere grin was something she had never seen grace his face.

With that, he was gone, leaving Olivia with an open mouth, her feelings dissolved. He had just cracked a joke, made a comment that was not an insult. When her lips met again, a small smile appeared in one corner of her mouth.

* * *

Rafael Barba got a call at 9:00 that night to inform him that all results were in and ready to be distributed. Without hesitation, he drove to CSU headquarters at 1PP and picked them up eagerly.

"We have trace evidence all over that apartment. We have three types of blood, as well as ballistics."

He followed the veteran technician around the lab.

"Bullets match the gun that was found on the floor of the apartment, and we have DNA from the examination Detective Benson had. I say we have him this time, Counsellor."

She finished, handing him all of the files.

"1PP has everything else. You might want to talk to them about what else they've got." She suggested.

"Thank you." Barba headed upstairs where he found that Lewis had not spoken one word in interrogation, and that arraignment was set to take place the next morning - 8:45 sharp. Feeling prepared for the fight he knew he had to win, Rafael went home to go review everything he had retrieved from his visit.

He hoped he could keep Lewis behind bars until the trial began on Monday. Even two days with him on the streets would be deadly for Olivia or someone else. He had let him get away, and he was going to try his hardest to prevent it from getting out of his reach this time.

* * *

Cassidy put his feet up on her bed as he began trying to get comfortable. She smiled and chuckled in the silent darkness of the room. Her eyes refused to shut, her body exhausted, her mind wide awake. The fear of the upcoming trial was smaller after a day spent witnessing the support she had behind her every step of the way.

Brian's steady breathing had her smile frozen, her eyes blinking as they stared at the ceiling. Her mind wandered to where Elliot might be at that very moment. She had been so mad at him. He had waltzed in like he hadn't left her high and dry three years before. Olivia had moved on. She had forgotten him, like he had so obviously done with her.

But he was back now. He cared. She wasn't ready to believe it. Did he really? Why else would he have shown up at her hospital room door, risking facing her reprimanding and anger? Even though she wanted to forget him, she never could. She hadn't stopped loving him as the brother he was to her; she had just learned to live without him. Now he was back.

The silent words she had given him when she'd first seen him had been read by Elliot. That was something that three years couldn't take away. She remembered the fear in his eyes as he watched her. She recalled the words of her partner, asking if he was happy with what he'd done. Elliot had backed out of the room and then was gone.

His face. He hadn't changed, except he had a few more wrinkles, a little less hair, and a hallowing expression. Olivia sighed, trying to shut her brain down, a losing battle. Cassidy heard it as he reclined in the hospital chair.

"What are you thinking about, Liv?" He could make out a thousand words in that one sigh.

She still stared at the ceiling as she spoke.

"Elliot." She simply replied.

Brian swallowed. He knew she would forgive him, that the person she was already had done so. She couldn't hold a grudge no matter how much she'd been hurting.

"What about him?" He already knew, but he decided to ask anyway.

Olivia honestly didn't know how to answer.

"Everything." She paused.

"He still here?" She asked Brian.

He pushed his hands behind his head and let out a soft breath.

"Yes. Cragen called when I was at home. Said Elliot was in his office asking for some advice on what do to." Brian recalled.

He didn't want Olivia hurt by Elliot anymore than she already had been, but he didn't want to be an overprotective, controlling man in her life either. If she wanted to speak to him, to forgive him, he would let her do it, and help her in doing so.

Olivia took a deep breath again.

"You scared the hell out of him yesterday. You scared _me_ with the look you gave him." He admitted, actually finding himself smiling.

She did the same, but became serious a moment later.

"You think he'll come back?" She asked him through the darkness.

Brian paused, but eventually replied. "You know him better than I do. What do you think?"

Olivia let the silence settle upon them. "I hope so."

Knowing he was so close, that he still cared made her heart soften. She had sworn she'd never forgive him. But there she was, longing to see him again. She was never going to forget what he'd done to her, her anger still within her. But she wanted to hear what he had to say. If he'd make excuses. If he'd be unable to find words at all. She wanted to know. She had to.

* * *

Elliot spent the entire day in his hotel room, deep in thought. He knew he would be made aware when it was time for him to confront her again. That connection was still shared between the two of them, even after years of being apart.

His mind ran at two thousand miles a minute, trying to come up with words or actions he would try to use while he fought for her friendship back. He paced in the safety of his room. Kathy called - a call which he ignored. Elliot couldn't hear it anyway over the screaming silence in his head. He took a moment to glance out the window when the darkness began to fall on the city again.

The sun set, not a cloud in the sky as the buildings cast shadows over the busy streets below. It felt as if he was trapped in a nightmare, that he would wake up to find himself still working beside her, still walking with her every day. He had screwed up the only thing he thought he'd gotten right his entire life.

She was his best friend. He was hers. And as he signed his resignation, he knew that half of her would follow him wherever he went. They were one heart living in two bodies. They had an unbreakable bond that had only been shattered by the strongest of forces - a goodbye.

Elliot felt himself swallow hard again. He had dropped the papers, his gun, and his shield on his captain's desk early that cool morning. The captain hadn't been their, she hadn't been there. But yet he turned and left the room, the building, the city without saying a word of farewell. He hated himself for it. His phone rang again, snapping him out of his thoughts. He reached for it and answered his wife.

* * *

Nick sat in his apartment, alone. He had something that he needed to do, but he didn't want to do it in front of Cassidy. He needed to talk to her. He needed to tell her that he was sorry for not getting there sooner, that he felt like a worthless partner saving her only after she'd been beaten to near death. His heart tugged when he even thought about it.

The way he had frozen when he had first entered the apartment increased the hopelessness in Olivia. Her eyes had told him that when she yelled his name, her eyes wide with terror as sweat and blood mixed in tickles running down her face. The only two that knew how horrible it really had been were he and Olivia, and he wanted to use that connection to help her the way he'd failed before.

He knew she was not going to speak to anyone else, maybe not even Brian, about what Lewis had done to her. Nick didn't have to hear her say the words. She had been shirtless when he'd first seen her, bite marks covering the tender skin of her chest and below.

Her hands dripped blood, her back scorched red from the stove. Nick, unable to bear the thoughts anymore, walked to the couch in his living room, lying down amidst the images he saw behind his eyelids. He would get to say what he needed in time. He knew he'd have a chance soon.

* * *

Olivia couldn't sleep. Her mind wandered from the hospital room to where she knew Nick was doing the same thing. Brian's soft breaths kept her calm as he slept in the chair next to her. Her eyes flickered back and forth, trained on the ceiling of the dark room. She squinted her eyes shut as she felt the images return to her mind:

Lewis' face so close to hers, his lips on her, his teeth marking her.

The fear in her heart returned when she began hearing the sounds of his desperate attempt to get into the bathroom where she had sat, using that bloody blade to free herself. She felt what she had in that moment. Her heart was in her throat as the gun went off, splintering the door.

Olivia opened her eyes again, not wanting to see him burst through the door at her again. Her gasp reverberated through the room.

He heard it immediately, swinging his feet down from the bed and leaning forward, whispering.

"Liv."

She turned her head toward him, finding his face in the dark. Her breathing was still heavier than it had been, and she swore in a whisper.

"No, it's alright. I'm ok."

Olivia's words were rushed, one running into the next on one uneven breath. Brian gave a soft smile. She was always fine. He took her hand, stroking it gently, calming her as she lay back again.

"You know, it's ok not to be fine all the time." He began quietly.

She would have interrupted him, but her exhaustion kept her a listener. She moved her thumb, caressing his hand at the same time he did hers.

"I'm not ok." His voice dropped even lower as he felt the healing lacerations in the blinding darkness.

His fingers navigated across them slowly. Olivia turned her head again, swallowing hard.

"I wish it was me in that bed with a hole in my back." The words came out so easily and honestly that he didn't have time to stop them.

"Don't." She let her voice crack inevitably on the word as she held back tears.

To have finally found a man who was willing and ready to sacrifice himself for her pain gave her a feeling she'd never forget. She hoped she never had to forget.

"We're going to get you out of here tomorrow. I'm going to be there every step of the way, Liv. I promise." Brian heard his own voice begin to shake.

Olivia couldn't stop the tear that made its way down her cheek, burning in the open wound that healed slowly on her tender bone.

"You were right." He said.

She moved her thumb in his hand again.

"About what?" She questioned in reply.

The pause gave her a feeling of peace and comfort.

"We're different than we used to be." He remembered her saying the words to him when he had been lying in a bed much like hers now.

"There's nothing wrong with that." She smiled a little, her voice almost in audible.

He gave her a small breath of a chuckle back. "No. There isn't."

He brought her hand to his lips before leaning forward and giving her a soft kiss. Her eyes closed, as they did every time. The awful images were gone, replaced with the love she felt with him and saw in his eyes.

"Now try and sleep. We need to convince the doctors your good to go tomorrow."

He leaned back in his chair, adjusting himself again. Olivia brought both hands of hers to her chest, folding them comfortably. When her eyes closed, sleep claimed her in its peaceful depths.

**What'd you think? Super stoked for the premiere! Scared but excited! How about you?**


	14. Her Future Begins

Friday

William Lewis awoke to the sounds of his cell door opening, his lawyer, Vanessa entering.

"You ready?" She asked him.

He gave her a smile. "I'm ready to be a free man again."

She hesitated, not sure if he was joking. "Billy, it's going to be hard to get a judge to grant bail with the charges you face."

He stood up, grabbing his change of clothes from her.

"I know you'll find some way. I didn't do this. I shouldn't be in here." The woman nodded, not sure if she actually believed him.

"I'll get you out." She assured him, her feelings still blurring her judgment.

He couldn't have done it. He wasn't that man. They were escorted to arraignment after Lewis changed into his suit. They met the stern look of Rafael Barba as both took their spots at the defense's table.

Rafael felt a bitterness in his mouth when he set his eyes on the man that had viciously attacked his friend.

"Docket ending 5637, People V. William Lewis on the charges two counts attempted murder of a police officer, two counts assault in the 1st degree, 1 count attempted rape." The hearing began.

The judge looked from Vanessa to Barba.

"People on bail." He looked straight at Barba.

The seasoned lawyer knew the judge well, and his knowledge dismayed him. This particular man was known for his methods to prove he was not bias. It was not a good thing to have him hearing the case Barba so desperately needed to win.

"Remand, your honor. The defendant is being accused of attacking not one but two police officers. He has reason to flee, and the intelligence to do so." Rafael kept his eyes trained on Lewis the entire time he spoke.

"You honor, my client has no financial resources or means to flee pending trial. He does not have a criminal record and is not a flight risk. We request bail be set at $50,000."

Rafael jumped back in. "For nearly killing a police officer in the state of New York? Your honor -"

"Your statement is noted, Mr. Barba. I also note that the charges are especially heinous, against two officers of the law. However, I do not wish to grant the NYPD special treatment."

Barba's heart dropped at the words the judge was speaking. He was going to grant bail, and by the look in Vanessa's eyes, she would pay whatever it took to get him out.

"Your honor, the defendant made a threat against one of the detectives he is being accused of attacking. He has suggested that he would return to -"

"Mr. Barba, save it for trial. Bail is set at two million." The gavel slammed, making the seasoned lawyer jump in his shoes as Lewis turned and smiled at him.

Vanessa took her bag into her hand again, putting a hand on Lewis' shoulder. "I'll see what I can do."

She watched him leave the room with the bailiffs. Barba waited for her to turn around so he could confront her. His hands shook as he spoke quickly to her.

"I understand that you're doing right by representing him to the best of your ability."

He said, hoping to keep her attention.

"But you just got that judge to grant Olivia a death sentence. He made a verbal statement revealing his intent on finishing the job on her."

Vanessa got the fire in her eye again. "He's innocent."

"He still believes that? He's convinced you of that?" His words were so fast she barely caught them before they were gone.

"We've got plenty of evidence in his favor." She paused as she found him at a loss of words.

"I'll see you in court."

She left him standing there, visibly shaking as he took out his phone and left the building to stand on the large steps amongst the pillars of the courthouse.

"Captain Cragen."

* * *

Cassidy woke Olivia up at 9:00 that morning. He hadn't wanted to, but he had had no choice. After getting the chilling phone call, he had been made aware that Fin, Nick, Amanda, Munch, and the captain himself were on their way to the hospital as fast as they could.

Olivia opened her eyes to find his right in front of her. She read the fear in them. Forgetting she would be in pain when she did so, she sat up. Her wince took her back down onto the pillow. Brian stood back up, giving her more space.

"What happened?" She felt her heart beating fast.

"We're leaving." He said.

"Bri-"

"The doctor cleared you with some persuasion from your captain and me." He busied himself, putting his hands on the clothes lying on her table.

"Brian." Her tone made him stop.

"What's wrong." Her question was a stern statement.

She hated feeling like she was the last to know. His sigh scared her.

"Lewis was granted bail. Two million." He replied softly.

Olivia swallowed. "He out?" She contained her fear.

She wasn't half as afraid for herself as the others were for her. She hadn't heard what he'd said after she'd been removed from the apartment. But the fear was still there.

"No. But he will be. Come on. I'll help you get dressed."

She sat herself up in the bed and swung her feet over the side. Pain still bit at her, but she tried her best to ignore it. Cassidy closed the door and pulled the shades, helping her step into her clothes. Despite the rush she felt he was in, Brian was gentle to her as he helped her pull on pants. The pain of getting that T-shirt over her nearly immobile arm woke her right up.

"You ok?" He proceeded slowly, seeing the hurt in her eyes.

"No." She opened her eyes, recalling their conversation from the previous night.

After she replied, she smiled a little, hoping to reassure him. Brian hesitated, but helped her finish dressing. When he was finished, the doctor came in and placed her arm in a supportive sling to keep her left side still. She stood while he secured the last of the straps on the sling.

"Alright, detective. Looks like you're ready to go. I've got your prescription pain killers here. Take two before each meal, essentially six a day, unless your pain gets bad." The man finished.

"Thank you." She said, looking down.

"You're a lucky woman. Not many people come in with injuries like that and leave with air in their lungs."

The man left the room after she signed her release papers. Brian put an arm around her gently as they turned to leave.

"We're going to be fine." He promised her.

When they reached the ground level parking lot, Olivia and Brian saw the entire team walking toward them.

"You all came to see me off?" She tried to clear the air that was heavy with fear and anticipation.

No one could force a smile. Their expressions matched her own. Lewis wasn't stupid enough to come after her now, was he?

"You're coming home with me." Brian said.

"We came to make sure you got there safely." Cragen finished for Cassidy.

"You really think he'd come after me again?" She had to ask.

Cragen looked from detective to detective.

"After you left with paramedics, he was taken out of the room. He was conscious when he told me he hoped he hadn't killed you - because he still wanted to finish."

He wouldn't say what Lewis had, but he could give her an idea. Her exhaustion masked the extreme terror she had welling up inside her.

"Come on. You've spent enough time here." Nick lead them to the vehicles, Fin and Amanda getting into one, Munch and the captain into another, and Brian and Olivia in their own.

* * *

When Elliot awoke that morning, he could feel the anxiety in his heart. Something had happened. It was like having a sixth sense, knowing deep down that something was wrong. That's why he'd been a great cop. He had instincts like no one else, except his partner. His former partner.

He sat up, trying to shake the feeling. When he couldn't, he reached for his phone and found himself calling the one person he thought he never would. Cassidy picked up.

"Hello?"

Elliot swallowed as he stood. "What happened?" He asked in an urgent tone.

Brian could hear the concern his voice. He could also feel Olivia's eyes boring into him as he drove. He glanced at her.

"Judge granted Lewis bail at two million."

Elliot's heart fell. "He has that much money?"

He was overwhelmed to the point of dizziness.

Brian sighed.

"His lawyer will sell her soul to get him out. He'll be out in a matter of hours." He replied.

"Listen, I know you've got some things to work out. She's staying with me, and her phone's on. Try her."

Brian was reluctant to encourage Elliot to speak with Olivia, but he knew how close they'd been. He'd seen it first-hand. The way Olivia had been talking and thinking about her former partner made Cassidy sure that she was ready to see him, talk to him again.

Elliot actually smiled a little. He had been given permission.

"Thanks, Cassidy." He walked to the window in his room and looked out onto the city streets.

The phone call ended after Cassidy had acknowledged the 'thank you' and hung up. Elliot felt more alive than he had been in as long as he could remember. He was going to call her, and pray she picked up.

* * *

The walk up to her apartment was solemn for the two, man and woman, lovers and friends. Olivia kept close to Brian as they walked down the hallway to her door to retrieve clothes and everything she might need for a while.

"We're fine." He leaned into her hair and whispered as they stood hesitantly at the closed door of apartment 4E.

He kissed the side of her head softly before opening the door with the key he held. The dim light of the dreary morning revealed the overturned furniture in her apartment, the broken lamps, the dusted fingerprints.

She walked carefully into the middle of the battle zone, thinking back to that night. Cassidy stood back, letting her take it in for a while. When she turned to the counter, she saw the line of crimson that indicated where her life had almost been extinguished. She didn't remember losing that much blood. She didn't remember much except for her partner holding her, apologizing, telling her she was going to be ok.

She took a deep breath of air, closing her eyes before turning back to go into the bedroom and get what she came for. The dried blood that CSU had not taken was still streaking the floor as her hands had days before as they bled.

Brian followed her protectively, standing in the doorway and leaning against the frame as Olivia just stood in the room, her back to him. The broken spindle on her bed, the splintered door of the bathroom to her right - it was so much. She could almost smell the stovetop burning hot again as she closed her eyes.

"Come on, Hun. Let's get your stuff." Brian's tone was soft and calming to her.

She shuddered before speaking. "My bag is in the closet. The black one."

She began pulling open drawers open on her dresser, tossing folded clothes onto the bed as Cassidy opened the doors to her closet and dug out the black bag. She set out a good two week's worth of clothes on the bed before heading into the bathroom to retrieve her makeup, toothbrush, and shower bag.

She halted in her tracks when she turned to see the vast majority of the blood she'd left still remaining in the bath tub. She closed her eyes, willing herself to stay in the present. Brian was already putting her clothes into the suitcase neatly when she returned with the bathroom supplies.

She couldn't contain a smile. Brian Cassidy, packing a suitcase - her suitcase. She never would have guessed it would be him who stole her heart. 14 years before, she had been terrified of commitment of any kind and she pushed him away. She was glad he had come back, that she'd let him in.

She too was glad they had both changed. He looked up after putting the last pair of jeans into the suitcase, a smile on his face as he saw her standing there.

"What?" He asked lightly.

She began walking back toward him.

"Nothing." She reached to hand him the bag of things she had just retrieved from the bathroom.

He took it, packing it among her other belongings.

"Anything else to put in this bag of wonders?" He asked her lightly.

She shook her head, the expression of happiness never leaving her face.

"Well then," he zipped the bag up, carrying it in his right hand.

"How about we get out of here?" Brian led the way out of the apartment.

When he locked the door, Olivia put her right hand in his, seeking the comforting familiarity. He accepted it with a gracious grin.

They left the building together, Olivia finally feeling safe again. The world dissolved into a blur of happiness when her hand was in Brian's. The trial seemed so far away. She could forget when she was with him. And for the first time in a long time, she felt able to live in the moment. Every kiss he gave her sent chills down her spine. Every whisper in her hair tickled her heart. Her future was with him, a future that had already begun.


	15. Dwelling in Darkness

Olivia was napping on the couch, Brian showering when her phone rang. She sat up, wincing with the pain it sent through her, but standing despite of it. She found the device lighting up and vibrating on the kitchen counter, the name on the screen sending her heart into her toes. After a moment of hesitation, she picked up her iPhone and answered.

"El." It was more of a sigh of relief.

Elliot's heart did exactly the opposite of what hers had. It leapt straight into his throat, her tone surprising him, but tearing at his soul at the same time.

"Liv."

They shared in a comfortable moment of silence. Neither knew what to say, but they both could speak over the silence and distance that separated them. Three years. It had been three years since she'd heard his voice. He was thinking the same thing.

"Olivia, I'm sorry." The only thing he could say rolled off his tongue.

Olivia took a deep breath.

"I know. Me too." She replied softly.

Her heart was torn, angry with him for leaving, but overjoyed to see and hear him again. She wanted the pain to end, however that would be.

"I want you to know that I'm going to stay until I've fixed this." Elliot's heart was jumping all over the place.

She had answered his call. She had spoken to him. He spoke the truth and nothing but. The barrier between his thoughts and voice had been knocked down. He thought about what he spoke. He spoke everything he thought.

Olivia walked back to the couch, taking her seat carefully. She let him go on, for a loss of words on her part. Besides, it was not her job to explain herself. She had been the one he'd left, not the other way around.

"Can we talk sometime soon?" He felt the lump in his throat grow as he awaited her answer.

She leaned back, the pain of her shoulder still running through her at the movement.

"Yes." Another simple answer.

Elliot was so afraid he was going to set her off if he said something wrong. He tread as lightly as he could.

"Can I stop up tomorrow?" He closed his eyes, waiting for her rejection.

It didn't come.

"That sounds good. I'll send you the address." She felt so torn that it hurt.

She was still mad, wanted to be mad forever, but she had her best friend back. He had come back. Neither of them was perfect, and they'd soon find out if they could ever fix the shattered friendship Elliot had left behind when he'd gone.

"Thank you." Elliot's relief was audible to her.

He was scared of what she'd say, she figured. No - she knew.

"I hope you're feeling better." He added quickly.

She nodded. "I am. I'll see you tomorrow."

He said goodbye and listened to the phone call end. Olivia set her phone down beside her, staring into space for a moment.

* * *

Cragen was standing at the entrance of the precinct when his phone rang. He answered.

_"Captain. Lewis is out. Posted bail a half-hour ago." _

It was Nick's voice, a small fiber of panic to it. The captain swallowed.

"We've got Uni's all over her building. She's safe." Cragen had nearly convinced himself.

Nick sounded doubtful.

"Nick, trust me, this guy is not going to go after Olivia with the trial starting Monday. He knows that she's got the entire NYPD backing her. You and I both know he's too smart to challenge that."

Cragen spoke forcefully, hoping to calm his detective. Nick was beginning to take it in. The words Cragen spoke rang true in his mind.

_"Doesn't mean he won't try." _

His partner had gone through too much already; she didn't need this. He spun around as he stood in his silent home.

"She's going to be fine. We just have to wait this one out." Cragen finished.

_ "Yeah. Yeah you're right." _His reply was half-hearted.

He would not be convinced of Olivia's safety until Lewis was behind bars.

"I'll keep you posted." The captain hung up.

* * *

Rafael was sitting in the growing darkness of his office, combing through files and evidence he had collected for the case. He refused to think about the judge's decision to give Lewis an opportunity to get out on bail.

He had to focus. The judge seemed to already have his mind made up. But Barba wasn't going to let Lewis win again. The case against him was solid, and he felt himself relax when thinking about everything they had against him: His saliva on Olivia's chest, his prints on the gun, his face on the surveillance camera outside her building.

Rafael leaned back in his chair, his hand at his face thoughtfully. He had seen her injuries when he'd seen her. She had been torn apart, hit violently. He didn't have to read the reports to know that. His stomach knotted again, the guilt returning. With a shake of his head, he pushed the guilt away and went back to his work.

* * *

Olivia slid into the sheets when her eyes would stay open no longer. She'd spent nights in his bed before, but it would be that night that would mean the most. Her heart was beating at a steady pace, a pace at increased speed. Her fear made her shake as she lay on her right side, her injured shoulder in its resting position, still in its sling.

"I'll be in the living room if you need anything, ok?" He stood in front of her, leaning down to kiss her.

After he did, she held his shirt weakly with her right hand as he tried to leave.

"Stay. Please." She felt the fear of being alone making her heart beat even faster, her eyes still closed as her words barely reached the level above a whisper.

Brian hesitated, but smiled a little at the words. He rounded the corner and climbed under the sheets on the opposite side of the bed. Olivia's rising and falling chest was hidden from his view as her back separated the two of them. Already knowing she was afraid, he moved himself onto his side and scooted to the very top of the bed, his body against hers, his head above hers as he sat up on his arm.

His hand mindlessly went to her hair, his fingers stroking the silky sea of brown. The contact gave Olivia goosebumps as it relaxed her. Her body began to melt, relaxing from its rigid state. She didn't fight the sleep that she knew was coming.

His fingers softly raked through her hair until he was sure she was asleep. Even then, Brian couldn't bring himself to stop. It was not only a comfort to her, but to himself as he could feel her in front of him. He knew she was still there, that she had never left and wouldn't, if he had a say.

The darkness infiltrated the room. The sounds of the city still found a way into the serene blackness of the apartment. Brian took the deepest breath he ever had before kissing her gently on the top of the head, and then settling into the pillows to search for sleep himself.

He knew he wouldn't find it. The fact that the monster who had attacked her was out roaming the city made him sick, and ultimately terrified for her safety. His eyes didn't close until they had no choice.

* * *

The man had been instructed to stay away from the detective, but Lewis had no choice. He took a taxi across the city, to where he knew she would be staying. The building was crawling with NYPD when he stepped onto the dark curb, a smile forming on his lips.

He wanted nothing more than to hear her scream beneath him as he pulled her hair, giving her every bit of him that he could. But there was no way he would get in with the police presence surrounding her.

He had time. He would just have to wait. In time, she would be his: his to use, his to terrorize, his to kill. The smile that he wore was left hanging in the air as he turned and walked away from the building as if he had not a care in the world.

* * *

Cragen was with his three detectives and his sergeant in the lobby of the apartment building, waiting. They each had no doubt that Lewis would be scouting the place out. He was no idiot, so she wasn't in any danger tonight. Unless, of course, he caught just on more break. If he did, that one mistake on whoever's part could cost Olivia her life.

They each sat in the individual seats scattered around the makeshift living area, thoughts too deep for words to express running rampant through their minds and hearts. As police officers, they were supposed to be one step ahead of everyone. But it seemed that night they were two steps behind. They couldn't guarantee Olivia's safety, and it was killing each and every one of them.

The silence of the night grew as they just sat. Nick looked at his hands for two hours, doing nothing but thinking. He needed to talk to her. There were things he hoped he still had the chance to say. He hoped that he could do just enough to protect her through the night so that he could tell her everything he felt.

Amanda had her hand on her legs as she leaned forward uncomfortably. She felt edgy, knowing there had to be something else she could do for Olivia, her fearless leader who only three nights before, had nearly given her life for her team, her job. The compassion she saw in the older woman surpassed any she'd ever seen in one single being her entire life.

The night drug on forever. Olivia's captain, her two coworkers who had been with for over 14 years, sat helplessly. They all were inevitably thinking the same thoughts as their younger teammates. They'd been through a lot together, yet none of them could help but think if this was too much.

Was this the case that would be the end? Would she turn her shield in, hand over her gun for a safer life? Would they? When the clock had passed 12:30, the doors opened, sending their heads in the direction of the disturbance.

Elliot found himself bearing the scorching fire of five gazes all staring him down at once. He stopped briefly in the doorway, swallowing, but continued.

"What are you doing here?" Cragen felt a pang of joy within him.

Elliot Stabler still cared. The former detective stood next to him.

"Same as you. Watching out for her." He shrugged confidently.

He was going to show Olivia's new team that he was more than just a name, a forgotten face. Nick had heard the way Olivia had talked about the man now standing in front of them all. He knew that she was still hurting, and that he meant more to her than she could say. He felt slight relief upon hearing that Elliot reflected that same care for her as she had for him.

"Pull up a chair." Nick said softly.

A mutual feeling of respect ripped the night in half silently, undetectable to anyone but the five who now joined in the same place for the same purpose.

Elliot pulled a chair into the loose circle they made and took his place. They were all there for one reason: Olivia. And the fact that everyone seated in that room was there for her made the feelings of hatred, jealousy, and despise dissolve.

The night was a long one. No one outside the doors seemed to know the struggles each of them was having within. The cars kept going by through the hours of the morning as sleep mingled between Amanda, Fin, Munch, Elliot, Nick, and Cragen.

The fight was theirs to lose, theirs to let slip again. It wouldn't happen. They would fight until they'd sacrificed everything they had, each fiber of their very being exhausted to the core.


	16. Only Time Can Heal

Nick awoke on the couch of the lobby area when he felt a pressure on his shoulder. He opened his eyes to find Brian Cassidy hovered over him, standing with a cup of coffee in his hand.

"Amaro."

Brian spoke quietly enough so as to not awaken the remaining detectives.

"Nick." He tried again.

Nick sat up. "What?" He whispered back.

"Liv wants to talk to you. She's upstairs. I'll wait." Brian nodded toward the elevator.

Nick stood up, glad to finally have the chance to speak with her, and yet terrified of what she might say. Brian sat, taking his spot as he watched Nick go. When he was waiting for the elevator, Nick turned toward Cassidy, his hands in his pockets.

"Hey Cassidy." His voice was still softer than usual.

Brian looked up again from his coffee. "Yeah."

"Thanks."

The doors opened after they had shared a glance of respect, of understanding. The woman they both cared deeply about was their connection, their reason for the dedication they had had during the past few days. And now, they both understood each other a little better.

The doors opened on the floor where Nick headed to the apartment door and knocked almost silently.

"Liv. It's Nick." There was a pause before the door swung open slowly.

She stood in front of him, shamelessly makeup-less, and still beautiful.

"Hey." She gave him a tired smile.

"Cassidy told me you wanted to talk." He closed the door behind him as she walked in and turned to the right, disappearing from his view into the apartment.

"Yeah." She replied simply.

Nick walked to where she came into his sights again. She stood near the counter of the insignificant kitchen, leaning heavily with the weight of the world on her shoulders. Her left arm was still in a sling draped over the sweatshirt she wore.

He mirrored her, leaning on it himself.

"I'm sorry you got dragged into this. I know it wasn't your fight." She shook her head while she spoke.

Out of everything he'd been expecting her to say, he was taken by surprise when she said something he _hadn't_ been expecting. He couldn't immediately formulate a response. She noticed the furrow in his eyebrows.

"Liv, if it's your fight it's mine. I'm your partner - I have your back." He paused as he looked straight into her eyes before looking down.

"I'm supposed to, anyway."

She tilted her head trying to gain his eye contact back. She achieved it.

"What's that mean?" She questioned lightly.

Nick held his stance for a long moment.

"I got there too late. I have one job, and I didn't do it right. The second time we've been in a tight spot, I almost got you killed."

The words were too far gone to keep inside him. They'd been on the verge of spilling days before; there was no stopping them now. Olivia took the words in stride. She had wanted him to talk to her, not only because she had things to say, but also because she figured he had things he needed to say as well.

"Nick, you saved my life - again. You did more than what your job even asks you to."

"I got there too late, Liv. He'd already beaten the hell out of you!" His voice had escalated in volume as his frustration and relief crashed into him at once.

Olivia shook her head again. "And that's not your fault. What were you going to do? Follow me home? Come on, Nick."

Her words sent him into silence. He realized it was all truth that she spoke.

"I'm sorry." His whisper was only faint.

He looked down again. Olivia fought for his gaze again.

"Nick." She said.

"Hey." Her word was sharp, demanding his attention.

It worked.

"This is _not_ your fault. I'm going to be fine, Nick." She said his name again in hopes to keep his attention.

Nick found himself nodding. "I know." He sighed.

"You're a good partner. I'm lucky to have you watching my back." Olivia finished, wincing at the pain she was beginning to feel in her chest.

She reached for the pain pill bottle, and took two with a swig of the water bottle lying in front of her. Nick just watched her in stunned amazement. His body was more relaxed than he'd been in a while as he was seeing that she was on her feet, moving like she used to - still bruised and in pain, but alive.

She smiled at him when she looked into his eyes again. His thoughts moved to the downstairs lobby where Elliot had been with the rest of the team all night. He knew he had to bring it up.

"Elliot stayed with us all night." He spoke quickly.

Olivia's smile faded as she questioned him wordlessly.

"He's here?" She put a finger on the counter for emphasis, not believing her ears.

"Yeah. Downstairs." Nick replied.

She took a deep breath, her eyes flickering out to the window in the living room, her profile visible to her partner.

"I don't want to talk to him yet." She heard herself say.

He nodded. "I get that."

Her head didn't move, so he turned to go.

"Nick." She said his name in a quick, breathless voice.

He faced her again, already knowing what she was going to say.

"Thank you." She gave another soft smile for him. He did the same and then left the room.

* * *

"You guys go get some decent sleep. She's safe with these guys. I'll stick around." Cragen stood up when Nick appeared out of the elevator.

Cassidy finished his coffee and tossed the disposable container into a garbage can near the end of the couch.

"Nice try, Cap. But we're not going anywhere." Fin gave a quick smirk as they each stood around.

Cragen knew he wouldn't get them to go.

"Hey, seriously though; you guys need a break." Cassidy spoke up, digging in his back pocket.

"Breakfast's on me." He handed Nick a fifty-dollar bill before replacing his wallet in the back of his pants.

"I owed you anyway." He smiled.

"Yes you did." Munch smiled back.

"Just don't let John pick the place. Take it from someone who knows." Brian pointed at them as he began to retreat to the elevator.

"Thanks for staying last night." He looked at them all sincerely, including Elliot.

He nodded and then turned around, leaving them standing around, unspeaking.

"I vote Perkins." Amanda raised her hand.

She had to admit, she didn't want to leave. But she was so hungry that she was ready to eat the fake fruit on the table in the middle of their seating arrangement.

Fin smiled. "I'll second it."

Cragen nodded hesitantly. He too was reluctant to leave. The father inside him told him not to go, but there was nothing more he could do. He was one man, not an army. He needed a rest.

"Alright. Let's head." The captain said.

They all realized that Elliot was hanging back as the left.

"Stabler - you comin?'" Fin stopped.

Elliot didn't reply. He didn't know what to say. Amanda waved her hand to motion him over.

"Come on. We've got to get to know the famous Elliot Stabler."

She gave him a warm smile. He still held back a little.

"Yeah. You've gotta be starving too." Nick said.

Elliot couldn't believe it. He hadn't known Nick or Amanda for more than a week and he could already see them accepting him graciously. It felt so gratifying, so new. His feet took him behind them to where they climbed into their vehicles and headed out for breakfast.

* * *

Olivia stood at the counter, staring into space after her partner left. She loved how she felt safe with everyone in her life. Her partner had stepped into big shoes, soles she thought no one could fill after Elliot left. But he had done it. She loved him like family, just like she did the others in her squad room.

With an unknowing movement, Olivia brought her hands up in front of her face. The cuts were healing, still painful, but less every minute. She looked around her arms, finding the bruises glowing purple, black, and green.

When she first started the job, she had been introduced to the difficult task: accepting that some people were just full of bad. It was hard to believe that one person could be filled with so much evil, but she had come to believe it. The realization was only solidified by the attack she'd been the victim of.

She knew it would happen. It was only a matter of time before one of the awful people she went after turned and went after her. The door opened, making her jump a little. Brian entered carefully.

"Sorry." He apologized.

He had seen the fear go through her at the noise, and it broke his heart to see her like that.

"No. It's ok." She replied.

When he walked to the opposite side of the counter, she just stared into his familiar eyes. She had found the rock in her life, the man who would be by her side through it all. She felt so much comfort knowing she wasn't alone. No more nights in her dark apartment, thinking. Now she spent them with someone who loved her for her, who was ready for anything she could throw at him.

"What?" He smiled a little, seeing her eyes sparkling.

"Nothing." She shook her head, walking over to him.

Olivia leaned up and gave him a short kiss before putting her right arm around him, her chin in the crook of his shoulder. Brian put both arms around her tenderly, careful not to cause her more pain. His hand rubbed her back soothingly as she closed her eyes, his doing the same.

"I love you." Her words were not a whisper, but a perfectly sounding confession of love in his ear.

He smiled, letting the air from his lungs slowly.

"I love you too, Liv." He rocked her gingerly, lovingly.

He felt her heart beating against his as they stood, relieved to have the soul he loved so much so close to him. Her hair against his cheek set his heart at peace. He kissed the top of her head like he had the night before, and returned his chin to her uninjured shoulder. An evenly distributed burden is easier to carry, as she had found with him. He felt it too, and he was willing to take the full weight if he had to. She was his life.

* * *

The group ate heartily after their plates were set in front of them. They laughed and joked like they did so well. It was liberating for Elliot to see the ability of the people around him to smile in such a situation.

They included him in their conversations easily, making him feel like he'd never left. The newer detectives made it as if he'd known him his whole life. Nick made him smile; Munch made his usual comments. The morning was far better than he figured it would have been had he not picked himself off his bed the previous night.

He had been welcomed back, after the initial honesty flowing from everyone he had first met. But he knew deep down that he had deserved it. Olivia was the only one he had yet to speak to. He was ready to face the fire whenever she was ready to give it.

All he could think of was hearing her voice. He hadn't had the joy of hearing her deep voice since he'd left three years before. washed been too long.

The group finished their plates, smiles still on their faces as they left the place. Everything was going to be ok.

Time heals even the most painful of injuries, whether physical or at heart.


	17. The Real Reasons

The sun rose high in the sky and fell again that Saturday. Brian and Olivia both slept in fear again, their arms wrapped around each other. Nick, Amanda, Munch, and Fin went home for the night, sleeping uneasily in their own beds, unable to shut the worry out.

Cragen and Elliot found themselves sitting in the lobby two floors below where Brian and Olivia stayed. The night progressed as the two discussed things they knew they had to. Cragen told Elliot how the team had been after his departure, during the building faze, and now - meshing better than he could have imagined.

"They all really care about each other. I can see it every time something happens to one or all of them." Cragen was talking more to himself than to Elliot.

"I never thought I'd get Olivia back. But I did." He finished thoughtfully.

Elliot sighed deeply at the early hour of the morning.

"You think she's still mad?" He asked the question he already knew the answer to.

He just had to be sure.

Cragen gave a knowing grin. "Oh she's gonna kill you, I have no doubt." He said lightly.

Elliot didn't crack a smile, his breathing slowing to a painful pace.

Cragen's smile fell.

"Come on, Elliot. You worked with her for twelve years and you left her without a goodbye, not speaking to her in three years. She's hurt."

Elliot nodded. "I know." He reflected quietly.

"But she'll hear you out. The only one who knows how it's going to turn out is her. I know her well, but I'm not her. I can't tell you what she's going to say."

The captain's voice dropped in volume as Elliot took his words in.

"I screwed up."

Cragen couldn't disagree. "Yeah you did."

He looked down at his hands as he fought his exhaustion.

"But I know you came to try and fix that. I'm not going to say it'll work, but you're doing the right thing to start getting you back to where you were with her."

Elliot put his feet up on the couch, preparing to close his eyes for a while. "We'll see."

Sunday

Cassidy stood in the kitchen, nursing his first cup of coffee while Olivia slept peacefully. He checked his watch. 7:32. The overcast skies threatened to let loose in the city outside the windows as the sun hid above. There was a light knock on the door, which took Brian out of his inner thoughts and back into reality.

He took a look through the peep hole before reluctantly letting the man on the other side in.

"Stabler. What are you doin' up so early?" Cassidy questioned easily, not angering Elliot in the slightest.

Elliot entered and swung the door shut behind himself, walking into the kitchen where Cassidy had disappeared to.

"I know you don't want me to hurt her. And I get it." Elliot paused, carefully arranging his next words in his head.

"But I'm done doing that. I didn't mean to in the first place, and I won't do it again."

Brian let the words sink in cautiously. He was willing to let Elliot have another chance, but only one. Olivia had been through too much to get hurt again.

He nodded. "So why'd you go?"

Brian asked the question he knew would come out of him sooner or later. Why had the veteran detective walked away from his job, his life? Elliot shifted on his feet before he replied.

"I was slipping. IAB was going to take my shield if I didn't give it to them myself, and I couldn't drag my team though that. I know they'd fight for me until they got their shields yanked too. Especially Liv."

Her name hurt him as it filtered out of his mind and mouth. Brian saw the truth in his eyes as the two made contact.

"You could have told them. They would've understood." Cassidy's voice was low as he spoke.

The man across from him looked down, but had the courage to meet his eyes again.

"I know. I just - " he didn't know why he was admitting this all to a man he hadn't seen in over a decade, and had never liked back then.

"I felt like I was going to self destruct, and I didn't want them to have to see that."

He paused for a bit. "I knew if I even called Liv, she'd know. She could always read me like that."

He felt a small smile appear on his face as he spoke. Brian felt himself lowering the wall he had put up in front of Elliot.

"You want a cup of coffee?" He turned to open the cupboard where the mugs sat neatly in rows, thanks to Olivia.

Elliot felt so invigorated by the small gesture. Brian was accepting him, and he smiled with a nod.

"Yeah. Thanks."

* * *

She'd heard the knock on the door as she lay in the darkness of the bedroom. Her eyes opened when she heard Brian say his name.

"Stabler."

Olivia held her breath for an excruciating moment, trying to decide what she'd do. Truth be told she knew they couldn't live like this, but another part of her never wanted to have to face him.

On her back in the sheets, her shoulder still wrapped tightly, she listened to him explain in honesty why he'd left, why he wanted to try and fix things, and her heart softened, if only a little.

Her pain had returned, pulsing beneath the surface of her delicate skin. She wanted to get up and grab her pain pills, but she knew they'd hear her. So Olivia remained, sleep still pulling at her eye lids as she listened to the conversation.

The two men spoke softly about what had happened Tuesday and what was going to happen when trial began Monday. After fifteen minutes of growing pain, Olivia was biting her lip. She had no choice. She had to get up.

Carefully and slowly she moved to the side of the bed and used her energy to bring her into an upright position. Her right arm cradled her left as she had removed her sling the night before.

Olivia got to her feet and reached for the sling on the side table near her side of the bed. With a long wince and her eyes shut tightly in discomfort, she managed to get her left arm securely in the support mechanism. With a deep breath, she stepped towards the door and exited the room.

Both men turned their heads as the sound of the door opening claimed their attention. Elliot swallowed hard, struggling to discern between his rampant emotions. He was so relieved to see her awake, her expression neutral. Yet he was terrified of what she might say.

If she rejected him, he felt he would be destroyed beyond repair. She walked toward them dressed in soft shorts and a loose T-shirt. Both could tell she was in pain. She couldn't hide it.

Olivia made eye contact with Elliot as she went to the coffee table, grabbing the pill bottle from where she'd last set it. Brian took a glass from the cupboard adjacent to where he'd extracted the mugs, filled it with water from the fridge, and handed it to her as she arrived back in the kitchen.

"Bad this morning?" Brian was the only one of the two who could remember how to speak.

Olivia washed the capsules down, hoping they'd kick in soon. "Yeah."

Her simple reply was more than Elliot could ever had asked for. He longed to hear her voice again, that beautiful, smooth voice he'd taken for granted. She stood at the opposite end of the counter, finding Elliot's eyes again.

"I'm ok, Brian. Can you-?" He nodded, saving her from finishing.

"Sure." Brian met Elliot's eyes as he walked out of the kitchen and opened the door.

Elliot gave an understanding nod to the other man. Olivia was safe with him. The door shut and the two were alone at long last. Olivia just looked into Elliot's blue eyes, as blue as she'd remembered them. Her gaze was soft, not the hardened, angry look he'd gotten before.

"Olivia." He started with the only thing he knew what to say.

Her pain began to dull, leaving her in a new state of relief.

"Liv." She corrected him lightly.

Elliot stopped, not knowing if it was sarcastic or sincere. When her lips gave away a subtle grin, they fell into a straight line again. But he already knew.

"Liv, I'm so sorry." His own voice had trouble in its consistency, the words going in and out of a solid tone.

She felt herself collapsing beneath the weight of every emotion she felt running through her. Overall, she was exhausted - mind, body, and spirit. Having the man she had so long cared about return after she thought she'd never see him again was just one more thing she crumbled beneath.

She gave a nod. "I know. I could hear you." She let her guard down, leaning heavily on the counter and sighing.

"You know we would have understood if you told us why you were going. I would have backed you the whole way." Olivia felt the words flowing easily.

They held their eye contact the entire time.

"I didn't want you to have to go through that." He said in reply.

"Through what? Letting you go? We would have had to do that either way. At least we would've had a goodbye, a reason, an understanding." Olivia's words were quiet, but they were spoken honestly, not angrily.

Elliot let them sink their teeth into his skin as he wrapped his head around it himself. He knew it was true. After three years without speaking to this woman, he still could feel comfortable speaking with her. Amazing.

"I know. I should have talked to you guys. I should have told you." He replied in an almost inaudible voice.

"I can't explain what I did. I don't think I ever will. But I want to try and make as much right as I can." Elliot's throat tightened with the sadness, relief, and guilt he felt.

Olivia relaxed. He was still Elliot Stabler.

"You already have. But after all this time, why come back now?" She asked, her head tilting to the side.

"Cragen. He said I had to get to New York as soon as I could. I took the first flight out." Elliot replied.

"You're not answering the question." She held firmly.

"You could have come back months, years ago to tell me all this."

Elliot swallowed hard as her tone hardened. His eyes filled with moisture as he fought tears.

"I thought I was too late. I told myself I'd come back, and I thought I had all the time in the world to fix this -" his voice cut out as he shook.

"But when I got that message, I dropped it all and got here as quickly as I could because I thought I had missed all the chances I'd had to come back."

Ashamedly, he brushed a falling tear from his cheek and sucked as much air into his nostrils as they could filter at once. Olivia heard the shake in his voice and felt a little part of her want to do what she had all those years when she was by his side: be there for him.

"I came back because I had to see you - I hoped it wasn't the last time I got to. I had this picture in my mind of you and everyone else just carrying on." His words sat upon choked sobs that he did his best to suppress.

"I thought you'd always be ok, and when the captain sent me that message, I knew that you weren't." It was spilling out faster than he could comprehend.

"I didn't come back before because I knew that I would always have time to do it."

He stopped his thoughts as he closed his mouth, cursing under his breath and wiping the tears away from his cheeks. Olivia felt her own tears pricking at her eyes as they threatened to spill.

"What if I wouldn't have made it?" She asked him as one last test.

Elliot scoffed painfully. "I wouldn't have either. That would've been my last day on earth." He replied.

"I'm sorry, Liv. I'm so sorry." He didn't feel his legs move, taking a step forward, but she felt hers carrying her into his shaking arms.

It was like she was in a dream. She was pressed against the man she thought she'd never forgive - she'd never have to forgive because she'd never see him again. And there they were, speaking silent words through their spilling tears.

**Premiere predictions? I'd love to hear :)**


	18. She's Not Alone

Elliot let Olivia go when he felt it was time to end the embrace they'd both longed for. Olivia wiped a tear from her eyes.

"How long are you staying?" She asked him as she blinked rapidly to clear the built up liquid in each of her eyes.

"Until this is over." He assured her.

She nodded. "Thank you."

Liv felt her hostility lessen as she looked at him gratefully.

"So you and Cassidy, huh?" He felt comfortable enough to ask lightly about the relationship he saw.

She gave him a small smile back. "Yeah. Almost a year now."

She was unable to contain her joy when she spoke about Brian.

Elliot sighed. "He's a lucky guy."

He smiled wider as she did the same.

"He's good to me." She glanced down at the glass of water magnifying the patterns in the counter.

"I thought he was long gone when he transferred out of the unit, what, last century?" Elliot kept his tone easy as he continued to pry.

Olivia shook her head. "Last year we ran into him. Turns out he was working undercover. After we moved in on the operation, he and I just -"

she looked back at him. "Well we decided to give things a second chance."

She smiled when she saw his mind going back to the day when she'd spoken to him about Cassidy. She went back as well.

_"I broke a rule, Elliot, a personal one. And now he wants to see me again." She was standing so close to him as she confided in her partner. _

_He grinned, his arms crossing over his chest as he leaned on his locker. _

_"Can you blame him?"_

"I'm happy for you. And I know he's probably itching to get back up here." He paused.

"Thanks for listening. I thought after - all this time-"

he cut himself off as he changed his sentence.

"You deserved a reason and a goodbye. I'm sorry I failed to give you either."

She breathed deeply before giving him only one more smile.

"It's really good to see you, Elliot." Olivia said faintly.

"You too." He replied just as softly, before turning to the door.

"I'll get Cassidy back up here." He stood for a long moment, just taking it all in.

The woman before him had changed so much, and yet not at all. She seemed so much older, not in looks, but in wisdom. He could feel the difference in emotion as he stood near her.

"Thanks."

Her words were distant to him, but he turned and opened the door, closing himself out in the hallway again.

* * *

Nick spent the day with his daughter and son, doing anything he could to refrain from thinking about the fact that the next day, he'd have to be there for his partner in court, that he would have to watch as evidence was presented against the man, and eventually testify himself.

He wanted more than anything to be able to say that he hadn't seen anything, when in reality he'd seen too much. He kept his mind off of it while playing an easy game of soccer, his son on his team, his daughter on Cynthia's.

* * *

Both Munch and Fin checked in with Barba before retreating into their own worlds for the afternoon. Fin sat in his living room, the TV on, his ears and eyes not taking in a thing. He had to admit that even though CSU had already nailed Lewis, he could not push the terrifying possibility that the criminal would get out again.

It couldn't happen, because if it did, Olivia's life was over.

* * *

The captain went home after a short conversation with Elliot about what Olivia had said to him and what he'd said to her. He reviewed the files that Rafael had forwarded him with every detail of everything they had against Lewis.

The first file was all visual evidence: the surveillance video, the photos of the crime scene, the photos of Olivia's, Nick's, and Lewis' injuries. The next was DNA and trace evidence: Lewis' blood on Nick's hands, Olivia's face and shoulders, saliva from Olivia's chest, his fingerprint on the broken spindle recovered from the floor of her bedroom, his prints on the stove knobs.

Ballistics recovered bullets from the walls of the bathroom, matching the gun which also wore Lewis' fingerprints on it.

He sat back, unable to take anymore darkness in from the files. They had Lewis now, unless some idiot at CSU made one big mistake. Cragen was aware that every technician handling the case was top-notch, each instructed to do the work as quickly and efficiently as possible.

But the fact that Lewis was out roaming the streets of the city gave him a chill. He couldn't imagine where the violent perpetrator was lurking, but he knew that he wasn't far from Olivia. The world had become so heavy in the last days, and Cragen was unsure how long he and the others could bear it.

Monday

Barba entered the courthouse with Olivia, Nick, and Cassidy right next to him. He stopped before the doors into the room where justice was to be served.

"Olivia, you don't have to be here today." She nodded a little.

"I know. But I need to be." Olivia's reply was interpreted by the three men around her.

"Alright." He gave her a look of concern, her arm in a sling, the bruises on her face still visible.

Cassidy put a hand on her back as they entered the room. Lewis was already turned to look at her, a sick grin on his face. She saw it immediately, finding herself unable to look away. Nick caught sight of her predicament and let Cassidy enter the row of seating before him. Nick put a hand on her shoulder protectively.

"Come on, Liv."

She was grateful for the distraction, but she could still feel the eyes boring into her as she sat between the two men. Amanda, Munch, and Fin arrived at the same time Captain Cragen did, and they entered the courthouse together, taking seats in the same area as Olivia, Cassidy, and Nick.

It began.

* * *

The day was a long one. Barba began with his argument, being contradicted strictly by Vanessa as she made hers.

Olivia was being accused as being a detective obsessed with a man she knew was guilty of something. She was referred to as desperate, blinded by hatred.

It hurt.

Every untrue word that left the lawyer's mouth cut Olivia deeply.

The first witness they listened to was the leader of the team of EMS that had entered Olivia's apartment first. It was odd for Barba to begin his case with such a key witness, jumping right into what Olivia's apartment had been like when they'd arrive, what he'd seen.

"We entered the apartment approximately fifteen minutes after receiving the call." The man testified calmly.

"And what did you find in Detective Benson's apartment?" Barba questioned in his swift tone.

"The place was torn apart. There were signs of an altercation of some sort."

"By signs, you mean-?" Barba egged him on.

"The coffee table was shattered. There was a broken lamp on the floor, dents in the wall. I didn't pay much attention. My focus was on the detectives."

They listened to the man testify to Olivia's life-threatening injuries. After Barba's dismissal of the EMS man, they found themselves listening to one of the primary CSU technicians on the case.

"The suspect's prints were on the stove knobs, the door and walls. His blood and saliva were recovered from Detective Olivia Benson's exam a the hospital."

The woman was cross examined harshly as Olivia watched helplessly.

"There was no surveillance video footage of my client entering Detective Benson's apartment, correct?" Vanessa went at it with all she had.

"The camera in the hallway-"

"Yes or no." Vanessa's tone was angry, determined.

"No." The tech replied.

The lawyer paced.

"Your team recovered the weapon from the floor of Detective Benson's apartment, yes?"

"Yes, that's correct." The woman nodded.

"And whose prints did you find on the gun?"

Nick narrowed his eyes, already knowing where the questions were going.

"The suspect, William Lewis'." She replied.

"His are the only ones on that weapon?" Vanessa turned to the technician quickly.

Barba didn't even bother to stand. "Objection, your honor. Relevancy."

"Get to your point, Ms. Mayer." The judge warned.

"We recovered detective Amaro's and Detective Benson's prints from the weapon as well."

They listened while Vanessa spun one of her 'isn't it possible?' theories. The woman had no chance of giving an answer that was less than damning.

"Isn't it possible that my client's prints could have been maliciously planted on that weapon?"

"I suppose it's possible." The technician shifted uncomfortably in her seat.

"Yes. It is. My client, seen here in this video footage, is not carrying a gun, is he?" She played the tape.

Lewis wasn't making this easy. His weapon was completely concealed, invisible to the camera.

Olivia sighed heavily. Nick, upon hearing it, turned to her and whispered in her ear.

"We've got this. Don't worry about it, Liv."

The detectives took a break for lunch outside in the hallway of the courtroom, no one having the appetite to eat. Barba met them as Olivia shifted her feet nervously.

"Is she going to pull that stunt with everyone?" Cassidy questioned protectively.

Rafael shrugged. "Possibly. The jury will tire of hearing it. I've got to go find my next witness." He looked around quickly.

"Who's that?" Cragen asked just as fast.

Barba found his witness' face in the small crowd.

"Lieutenant Tucker." He greeted the man who stopped amidst the group.

Olivia held no expression on her face as he nodded at them.

"Detectives, Counsellor."

"Let's shut them down." Barba said confidently, turning back to go into the room with Tucker.

Olivia took a deep breath and closed her eyes. It would be over soon. She just had to get through the worst before things would get better. A hand on her shoulder prompted her to look up. Munch gave her a small smile as Amanda did, following her coworker into the room. Fin gave her a gentle touch before doing the same.

"We're fine. Barba won't let anything happen."

Cassidy sat next to Olivia the whole second half of the grueling day, watching as she went rigid when Lewis turned and made eye contact with her, smiling sickly. They listened to the lieutenant talk about the statement Olivia had given, the detail she'd used, the things he remembered specifically.

It was odd to have the man testifying on her behalf. If she would have had to predict it, she would have thought it would be him for the defense - against her. He sounded professional about it, but even the captain could see that it was different this time.

Tucker believed what he was saying. He knew what he was saying was the truth. Without having to say it, he convinced Olivia that he was on her side.

When the last testimony was given and challenged, the day ended. Everyone in the room got up and left, Olivia standing and watching Lewis be led out a different door by a bailiff. He was going out onto the street again. The team gave her words of encouragement before they left her and Cassidy in the hallway alone.

"Let's go home." He put and arm around her as they left the doors.

They took three steps on the granite stairway outside before Olivia stopped abruptly, grabbing Cassidy's shirt to stop him too. Lewis stepped out from behind a pillar, wearing that sadistic grin she wished she would not have to see every night in her nightmares.

"Hey baby." He smiled as he stepped forward.

"Hey. Hey! Get the hell back." Cassidy put a hand back to keep Olivia behind him.

He stood face to face with the man who had almost ended her life.

"Just wanted to see how she's holding up. How's your shoulder, sweetheart?"

Cassidy took his hand from behind him and took Lewis by the shirt roughly.

"Does this look like a thousand feet to you? I said get the hell away from her." Cassidy shoved him as he dropped back, his hands in the air.

"Alright, Officer. But she can't hide forever." Lewis pulled his shirt down into place again and turned and walked away, not before winking at Olivia.

She watched him go, her throat tight, her teeth gritted, her chest heaving. Cassidy took her hand gently.

"We're ok." He took her hand and led her to safety, as much as he could provide anyway.

Two police cruisers followed their vehicle back to the apartment, the officers wary of Lewis' imminent attack.


	19. The Night's Choice

Three days, packed full of argument and testimony followed Monday. The judge, prompted by Barba, granted the prosecution a speedy trial. It was the fourth day on which Olivia was called to the stand to testify on her own behalf.

She brushed herself off as she stood up, well aware of the people in the room with her. The police commissioner sat alongside significant figures in his office. Lieutenant Tucker sat alongside four other men from the office of IAB.

She took a breath and stood, swearing to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. She sat down, crossing her legs nervously. Her eyes were peeled away from Elliot's only when Barba stood, a sympathetic look on his face.

He hated doing this.

"Detective Benson. Why are you here today?" He asked simply.

She sighed. "I was attacked in my apartment on Tuesday night. I'm here to bring my assailant to justice."

Olivia nodded in reply, making her voice as confident as she could.

"Do you see your attacker in this room?" Barba continued.

Her finger pointed at the man grinning at her. It gave her chills.

"Yes. He's sitting right there."

"Let the record reflect Detective Benson has identified the defendant William Lewis." Barba went back to his table and grabbed a piece of thick paper. A picture.

"People's exhibit 23. Detective, do you recognize this room." She took the photo in her hands, swallowing hard.

It was her bedroom, bloody smears on the floor, the broken spindle making her dizzy.

"Yes, it's my bedroom." She handed it back to him.

"This is where the attack began, correct?" He pried gently.

Her shaky breath was audible to the judge. She was sure of it.

"Actually, Lewis was waiting for me when I came home."

"Objection. Speculation." Vanessa was struggling.

Barba shook his head with a knowing smile. "Your honor, the witness was attacked in her own apartment. She saw this."

"Overruled." The judge sat Vanessa down.

Olivia felt her anger spark. "He pushed the gun into the back of my neck and dragged me to the kitchen when my phone rang. I spoke with my captain with the barrel of his gun on my spine."

She was enunciating like crazy, immediately giving away her anger to her team.

"And then?" Barba stood.

"He hit me with his gun and tied me to the bed."

She remembered it so clearly, and with the man smiling at her, she shuddered even more.

"He pinned me and he - kissed me. Then he used a rag to gag me as he bit my chest."

She swallowed when she scanned the crowd again. It was so degrading having to say the words in front of everyone she had always tried to be so strong for.

She told them about how she'd escaped, sliced her hands in order to get free, smashed Lewis' head with a soap dispenser. The evidence presented came together nicely, with a chip of ceramic in Lewis' head, the same as in the shattered soap dispenser.

She told them about her partner, how she'd been fighting for the gun, how she'd been shot and fell unconscious.

Barba thanked her after his half-hour questioning was finished.

"You need a break?" He asked tenderly.

Olivia took in air at a rate that made her head spin.

"No. No I'm fine." She confirmed.

Vanessa stood up quickly, brushing herself off.

"Detective Benson, you testify that my client was in you apartment when you arrived home." She stated.

Olivia nodded. "Yes."

"But there was no sign of forced entry, correct?" She challenged an already touchy Olivia.

"Correct." She grit her teeth.

"So how did he get in?" Ms. Mayer paced.

"The fire escape, picked the lock, there are a million possibilities." Olivia replied angrily.

"None of which CSU can confirm. Did you know that William Lewis has visited the building before?"

Olivia's heart dropped.

"Objection. Relevancy." Barba stood.

"My client in her building is relevant to this case, I assure you, your honor."

The judge granted her latitude.

"No, I didn't." Liv's anger was still growing.

"Isn't it possible that my client was visiting someone who happens to live in your building at the same time you were attacked by someone else?"

Barba rolled his eyes. "Objection."

"Sustained. Ms. Mayer, your client's DNA was found in the apartment. I think you should move on from this line of questioning." The judge was strict.

Olivia thanked the judge with her eyes. Vanessa had nothing more to come up with. The judge had crushed her theory, and she only asked a few more damning questions before finishing.

Rafael redirected. "Olivia, you have bite marks on your chest and collar bones, don't you?" He asked.

She nodded. "I do."

"The teeth marks Lewis left?"

"Objection."

"Withdrawn. We know that teeth marks cannot be planted as evidence, especially those that match the defendants bite perfectly."

Vanessa stood up angrily. "Objection! Counsel is testifying."

Barba put his arms up in surrender, giving Olivia a small wink. "Withdrawn."

"You may step down, detective." The judge let Olivia go.

When she left the stand, she didn't go back to her seat. She walked out of the courtroom, the group of people that had been sitting with her all standing to follow.

Olivia went to the bathroom, not wanting to be followed by the group she trusted with her life. They meant more than the world to her, but she had to be alone, if only for a moment. She held the sink with her shaky hand, looking up at herself in the mirror slowly.

Her bruises were still evident, her lacerations healing. Her arm in the sling pulsed with her heartbeat. She felt the discomfort again, and took a deep breath, allowing her eyes to close for a moment. He would be going away. He would be. She had to believe that or she would self destruct. Barba had already convinced the jury, so she hoped. The door opened behind her, and she looked into the mirror to find Amanda entering.

"Hey you." Her coworker spoke as she entered the room with a faint smile.

Olivia stood. "Hey. Sorry, I just - I needed -"

"I know. I get that." Amanda saved her from having to say it.

"You did great up there. Jury already despises him." Amanda offered.

Olivia smiled a little. She was thankful for the support.

"Thanks. I hope it's enough to put him away. He could hurt so many other women if he gets let off again." She leaned against the sinks.

Amanda shook her head, the smile still on her face.

"You've been worrying so much about others that you don't have time to worry for yourself, Liv."

Olivia met her eyes. "That's my job."

Amanda still grinned.

"I'm serious." She was serious.

Amanda's smile fell. "So am I. You have to take care of yourself. We need you."

They stood in silence.

"I'm sorry we didn't put him away the first time. We could have prevented this whole thing."

The blonde detective stood below the towering brunette.

"But we've got him now." She finished.

Olivia felt her lungs constrict. "We'll see."

* * *

Brian took Olivia home and they stayed there for the evening with everyone on the SVU squad. It was a solemn evening with wine drinking, dismal story telling, and mild jokes. But even that was enough to lift Olivia's spirits. It made it so much easier for her to think positively. She felt she was lucky to have such people in her life.

Elliot stole glances when she sat in silence, both listening to another speak. She gave him a couple of small smiles, and he treasured them. He felt alive again.

When there was a flourish of happy speaking, Olivia stood to head to fill her glass of water in the kitchen. Elliot took the opportunity to follow her.

"You hanging in there?" He leaned against the opposite counter.

She filled her glass and then turned back toward him.

"Yeah. I'm going to be ok." She replied lightly.

They basked in the room, the sounds of the others laughing in the other room comforting both of them. It was when a knock came on the door that the chatter slowed.

"Patrol?" Elliot asked.

Olivia shrugged. "I don't know. Just leave it. We can check later. Those guys aren't going anywhere."

They waited for a moment and the knocking returned, louder, harder.

"We have a situation!"

Elliot took off to the door and opened it after confirming it was the officer he'd seen earlier in the day. Olivia followed him. The others stood to watch, each clutching their guns.

"What is it?" Elliot asked.

"We had three guys on the roof in case Lewis tried something. We lost contact a few minutes ago. Not sure if it's interference or foul play." The officer was obviously out of breath.

Olivia's heart froze in her chest.

"Call for backup." Cragen spoke, leaving the room with Nick and Amanda behind him, both Fin and Munch behind them.

"Let's go see what's going on."

They were gone before she could think. Elliot and Cassidy stood around her, each protecting her with their minds and hearts.

"Shut the door." Cassidy backed up, Olivia's arm in his hand.

"You got your gun?" Elliot asked him.

"Yeah. I've got another one in the bedroom in the closet."

Elliot left the two of them to retrieve the weapon.

"He's not going back to court." Cassidy cocked his gun and stood in the darkness of the kitchen with Olivia behind him.

Elliot returned, and they prepared to wait. Oliva's chest heaved in terror and anticipation.

"He's going to get what he should have on Tuesday night. Liv, go into the room and shut the door." Elliot was still hellbent on giving this bastard what he deserved.

Olivia was visibly shaking. "If he gets in here, he's going to go for you. Go." Cassidy nodded gently. Olivia backed up, numb from head to toe. When she was in the shadows of the bedroom, she stood watching through the open door.

The detectives followed their gun-wielding captain down the hall and up the only staircase to the roof. Every corner they took they thought would be the one they found the monster lurking. But they made it up to the roof without seeing a single soul.

Backup was on its way, the sirens screaming in the city only a couple blocks away. The three officers were the only souls on the roof, their heads leaking blood, their bodies motionless.

"He's here. Get more officers on her floor." Amanda radioed down.

_"We've got five officers on her floor. We have to keep the other seven on the ground."_

"You have to get them on her floor! This guy is already in the building!" Amanda yelled in the heat of the moment.

_"Backup's almost here." _

Cragen looked them in the eyes.

"He gets to Olivia, tonight's her last night on Earth."

He felt as shaky as they looked as they stared back at him. Nick felt his body going rigid, even in the warm air of the night.

"We'll spread out. He's in here somewhere."

"I'm heading back to liv's floor." Nick took off.

* * *

The gunshots began only minutes after Olivia had stepped into the shadows. Cassidy and Elliot shook in anticipation as the sounds became constant.

"Oh my god." Elliot's voice was barely audible.

The firing stopped after two minutes of war. The silence had their ears ringing. The door was going to open, that man would come through wielding his weapon. The first kick pushed the door wide open, the lock broken, the chain useless.

The man stayed outside for a moment.

It was him.

"You hand her over and you get to live." His voice echoed in the room.

"Hey sweetheart. Miss me?"

Olivia felt the tears beginning.

This was the end. She couldn't watch her boyfriend and her best friend get killed for her.

They'd already sacrificed too much. She emerged from the shadows into the lighted apartment kitchen.

"Give me the gun." She spoke to Cassidy.

He looked up, "Liv, get out of here!"

His voice had been too loud. Lewis stepped into the room confidently, his wide eyes sparkling when he saw his latest victim.

"Hi, Hun." Lewis smiled.

Olivia screamed the loudest she ever had when the gunshot ripped the night air.


	20. Justice Is Served

**So close to the premiere! Hang in there. I'm sure it'll be worth the wait.**

The guns in both Elliot's and Cassidy's hands jolted when the shot was fired. Both of their fingers threatened to pull the trigger, and they did, each putting one more shot in him, unsure of what had happened. The giant man crumbled to the ground, dead when his head hit the floor.

Nick had found the officers lying scattered around the ground, all dead, gunshots to their heads. He tiptoed to where he heard the voice of Lewis inside Cassidy's apartment.

"Hi Hun."

He found him just inside the doorway. Without a moment of hesitation he pulled the trigger and heard two gunshots follow his own as the Beast was hunted down, shot dead. He moved quickly into the apartment, looking around while kicking Lewis' gun from his warm hand. Nick hoped the shots had come from Cassidy's and Elliot's guns, or he expected Olivia to be the other on the floor.

Olivia held a shaking hand to her mouth as she watched Lewis lie on the floor in the clutches of death. Cassidy and Elliot stood up straight when the man had been still for a moment. Nick flew into the room.

"You guys ok?!" He was out of breath, holding his gun before the three in the apartment.

"We're ok." Elliot nodded.

Cassidy laid his gun down on the counter, turning toward Olivia who couldn't contain tears. She kept her hand on her mouth as he hugged her tightly, tenderly.

He rocked her slowly.

"We're ok. It's over."

Amanda came through the door just before Fin, Munch, and their captain. Each holstered their weapons, their breaths labored.

"Who got him?" Fin asked.

"Amaro." Elliot replied.

They all stood above the body of William Lewis in relief. They looked to where Cassidy held Olivia, her face buried in his chest.

"Liv ok?" Amanda questioned Elliot quietly.

He stole a glance at the two.

"She's not hurt." Elliot wouldn't say that she was ok because he knew she wasn't. But she wasn't physically hurt, which had him breathing a little easier.

Munch sighed. "He got what he had coming." He admitted to the rest.

Cragen nodded. "Nice shot, Nick." He turned to his detective.

"Thanks." Nick could hardly smile when he saw how shaky his partner was.

They stood around the body of the man that had so deserved death. Cassidy put a hand on Elliot as he moved toward the group with Olivia. Olivia looked down at Lewis. Her breathing had retuned to normal again.

She'd never sleep in fear again. She could get her life back. Another hand reached for her, comforting her. Nick gave Olivia a small smile as he stood next to her. She wrapped her free arm around him. Nick hugged her back.

"We finally got him." He spoke in her ear softly.

She nodded, wiping the last tear from her eye. She didn't have to cry. It was over. She pulled back as he held her.

"Yeah we did."

The doorway was infiltrated by police personnel and paramedics in the next moment. The team went downstairs, each delivering statements as the coroner's office removed the bodies from the building.

Eight officers were killed that night: the three on the roof, five on the floor of Cassidy's apartment.

Amanda stood with her captain, Fin, and Munch, watching the rest of the detectives give their statements as they stood near ambulances in the street.

"I've never seen her like this before." Fin commented quietly as they watched Olivia, still visibly shaking as she stood before an IAB officer.

Amanda sighed. "She'll get through it."

They nodded at the comment they knew was true. They each, however, questioned how long it would take her to do so.

"How did Lewis even get in?" Munch asked.

Even the conspiracy theorist had no idea how that criminal could have gotten even relatively near the apartment building.

"I don't know." Cragen replied.

The sirens were silenced as the lights of the emergency vehicles flashed in the windows around the block. Barba was the first person they saw running through the ambulances and police cruisers blocking all traffic. Olivia turned away from the officer after she'd finished her statement and found the lawyer jogging, his face wearing an expression of fear.

"Olivia." He was out of breath.

"Rafael. What are you doing here?"

He stopped in front of her. "I got a call from IAB. Told me something happened here. Is everyone ok?" He breathed heavily as he asked the question he feared the answer to.

Olivia nodded. "Lewis got into the building. He killed -" she realized with a shiver that her life had been spared because of eight men.

"He killed eight officers."

She felt the guilt seep into her veins like stinging venom. Those ten men had been protecting her. They'd died for her.

"And Lewis?" Rafael looked around nervously, as flustered as he'd ever been.

"He left in a body bag. Nick, Brian, and Elliot fired on him." She stopped when she saw the IAB lieutenant walking quite swiftly toward where Nick and Elliot had just finished giving their primary statements.

"Detectives." He seemed to be out of breath too as he stopped near where Cragen and Amanda had both approached Olivia protectively.

"Lieutenant." The captain responded.

"Who was involved?" Tucker didn't have that tone that every one of the detectives knew him by. They read it as almost near panic.

"Amaro and Cassidy. Former detective Elliot Stabler as well." Cragen was the only one who found the power to speak.

Tucker took a step back when Brian, Nick, and Elliot joined the group.

"Elliot Stabler." Tucker was not pleased, but he found it hard to be angry.

"Lieutenant Tucker. Can't say it's nice to see you again." Elliot shook the man's hand.

Olivia breathed deeply as Brian stepped over to her, putting an arm around her.

"I'm going to need to take you back to headquarters. 1PP is handling the case, and we need recorded statements so we don't get any more backlash from Lewis' defense team. CSU is on its way." Tucker turned to where Olivia stood.

"You good?" He asked her softly.

She was again taken by surprise by the change in attitude he'd had.

She nodded. "Yeah."

Brian gave her a reassuring kiss on the forehead before leaving with Elliot and Nick. Fin, Munch, Amanda, and Cragen were all that was left.

"Let's go get something to drink." Munch sighed.

Olivia caught her lips trying to smile as they left the scene.

* * *

Nick was the first one in the tiny room, giving his statement for the second time. Brian and Elliot watched from outside the window.

"I thought it was going to be one of us tonight." Brian admitted quietly.

He thought when the first shot had been echoing through the recesses of his mind, that one of them had been hit.

Elliot heard the words and nodded. "So did I."

His simple reply came.

"You know, Liv is lucky to have you." Elliot felt he needed to make sure that Brian knew that, that they both did.

Brian shook his head slowly, a small smile spreading on his face.

"No. I'm lucky to have her."

The silence spread across the room.

"I want to be a part of her life, Cassidy. But I have to know if that's what you both want." Elliot felt as if he'd known the man forever, and he didn't hesitate in voicing his thoughts.

Cassidy turned to look at the former detective standing before him.

"You have to now. You came back." They both were serious for a moment, before Brian gave an uneasy Elliot his smile.

"We'll get her through this." He finished.

Nick stood up inside the box and exited the room easily.

"They after blood?" Elliot asked.

Nick shook his head. "They want this mess cleaned up. Lewis has caused this office enough trouble. They don't want any more."

Elliot was called into the room to give his statement, leaving Nick and Cassidy in the same spot he and Elliot had been standing moments before.

"Nick." Brian knew what he had to say.

"You're a good partner to her."

Nick was surprised by the soft comment. He knew also what the alternative motive was.

"Cassidy, we didn't like each other because we're both protective over one woman. I don't want her to get hurt, and neither do you." Nick began his long reply.

Brian just listened to the words that the detective seemed to pull right from his own mind.

"We're different. We live in two different worlds, but she lives in both worlds with us. She's with me at work. She's with you at home."

He didn't know where he was going, but the point was understood in another moment of silent communication.

"Nick I don't honestly think I have the energy to fight with you anymore." Cassidy gave Nick a smile, which Nick returned.

"Then let's not. Let's help her out of this. We both need her back on her feet."

Brian paused, and Nick felt himself hold out his hand. They shook firmly, promising each other silently.

* * *

"You sure you're ok, Liv?" Amanda pulled Olivia to the side as they waited for their coffee at the Starbucks cafe.

Fin, Munch, and Cragen searched out of earshot for a spot. Olivia felt herself breathing again, her eyes able to blink and hold focus for more than a split second. She didn't have to fear her attacker anymore. He was dead. She was the one who had a second chance.

Amanda saw the relief in her leader's eyes, and it calmed her.

"Yeah."

Olivia gave the young detective a small smile, stepping forward to wrap her in a one-armed hug. Amanda felt herself at peace. In the arms of the most fearless woman she knew, Amanda could feel the powerful beat of her heart, the small tremors still shaking her body.

The woman was a force, a superhuman who had just brought herself back from the point of near destruction. She'd been put through hell, and yet she was strong enough to possess her joy and determination even after such an obstacle.

Olivia was calmed by the contact. She could feel how much she meant to the young woman, a feeling she'd gotten from her entire team the past week. It was going to be a long hard road, but she wasn't alone.

"Amanda." The woman at the counter said the blonde's name.

Olivia let her go, a smile on her face, a burden lifted from her shoulders.

"Olivia." A different worker spoke.

Both women approached the counter and retrieved their drinks.

"You know, there are nine letters in boyfriend." Amanda changed the subject easily and spoke as they walked back to find Cragen and the other two.

Olivia took a sip of her coffee and gave Amanda a sideways 'where are you going with this?' smirk.

Amanda swallowed the glorious liquid. "But there are also nnine letters Starbucks."

Olivia let herself laugh. "You'll find a great guy, Amanda. I have no doubt." She assured her.

They found the men seated, newspapers in their hands as they sat at the table.

"Where's our stuff?" Munch asked them both.

"We have to do everything for you guys?" Olivia smiled back.

The sass was back. In fact, they all realized, it had never left. She would always be the same Olivia Benson they knew and loved, depended on, and looked up to.

* * *

The three men finished at headquarters, the investigation just beginning at the apartment. CSU and top-notch detectives looked for clues and evidence, trying to prove the detective's stories. No one in the hotel next to the apartment building had seen Lewis, and with all doors to the outside locked, the detectives were astounded and confused as to how the criminal had entered the building without being seen.

When the cameras were checked, a tech, one who knew Olivia very well, discovered something he hadn't expected. There before him on the screen, caught on the security cameras ten minutes before the attack, a red-haired woman waltzed into the hotel lobby.

Vanessa Mayer.

**A couple more chapters?**


	21. The Joyful And Fearless

Olivia basked in the light-hearted conversations her colleagues and friends had around her that night. She didn't say much, her mind refusing to connect thoughts to her mouth, and so she listened intently, happily.

They could tell she wasn't in possession of enough energy to speak, so they carried on like they did best. Munch made coy comments that made everyone laugh, including Olivia. It was ten minutes after she had texted Brian that the three men walked into the coffee shop and stood above the group.

"Well hey, troops." Amanda greeted them each with a smile.

Olivia caught her partner's eyes first, giving him a knowing look, a small smile as she thanked him. Then they moved to her former partner, a look of relief on his face that reflected off hers. Last, they met the man she so loved.

"You started without us?" Brian spoke as he still held the gaze of Olivia.

"We figured they'd just keep ya for the night." Fin replied with a shrug and a chuckle.

They sat in a comfortable silence for a long moment, just reading the relief off each other's faces. Nick, leaning against a dividing wall near the table spoke softly with a sigh.

"We got him." He nodded. Those words would never get old.

Their shoulders relaxed, their moods heightened.

"I don't care if they put me away. He got what he deserved." Brian replied in compliance with Elliot and Nick.

Olivia felt her chest swell with pride and terror at the same time. She was surrounded by good people, people who would risk everything for her and had that very night. But they _had_ risked everything, and they might actually go away for a long time.

"Thank you. All of you." Olivia didn't even know she spoke aloud as she thought.

"Hey, if we're not saving your ass, what are we gettin' paid for?" Fin lightened the mood, earning an appreciative chuckle from everyone seated around him.

"Yeah. We've got your back, Liv." Cragen nodded.

"Always will." Elliot finished softly, knowing Olivia would understand what he was saying.

"Alright. I don't know about you guys, but it's way past my bedtime." Munch checked his watch.

"And we have nothing. Again." Olivia sighed in realization.

She had lost her place of solace.

"We've got you covered. Amanda, let's go get them some stuff." Fin stood up with his partner.

"Cap. Where they staying?" Fin asked the captain as he stood.

"Liv? It's up to you." Cragen gave her a grin as he shoved his hands into his pockets.

Olivia sighed, her shoulder beginning to ache. She moved uncomfortably.

"Anywhere with Advil." She replied.

"We'll get that too. Call us, Cap." Fin and Amanda left after giving everyone a farewell nod.

"You guys can come with us. We're going to the Waldorf."

* * *

The detectives took the evidence back to headquarters and worked hard all through the night. Vanessa was brought in for questioning the first chance they had. She kept her composure, seemingly unknowing that she had stepped into the building right next to the apartment where Olivia and Cassidy were staying only moments before the attack.

They questioned her for an hour before another technician came back with more video footage.

"You let William Lewis into that building, didn't you?"

The lawyer was on the brink of a nervous breakdown. The trails had taken a toll on her. She shook uncontrollably and felt yet another bead of sweat slide down her cheek.

"He said he wanted to stay with me there. He wanted to spend the night." She almost yelled it.

One of the detectives leaned forward.

"And you believed that? Where did your brains go?" He challenged.

"I didn't know they were staying next door."

"Yes you did. You knew what he was planning." The other fired back.

He was furious that an officer of the law had been taken advantage of by an attorney. It was thoughtless and infuriating to him to know that a woman had betrayed the department.

"You let him into that building. We're checking every door in that place and we will find your prints if it takes us a week. You've pulled your last stunt, Ms. Mayer."

* * *

The next two days saw Vanessa arrested for eight counts of fourth degree murder, and Olivia moving back into her own apartment, every supper spent together with her team and her boyfriend.

They grew closer than they already were, Nick finally believing Cassidy was going to fit into their family seamlessly.

The investigation into Nick, Brian, and Elliot after the shooting was suspended when solid evidence in their favor came into the hands of IAB and 1PP as they headed up the search. They faced no charges, Olivia's attacker was dead, never to harm another woman on earth, never to return to the detective and 'finish the job' on her.

Life was beginning to look good again.

It was when captain Cragen walked into the squad room one dark evening to find his group smiling and laughing together that he realized everything was going to turn out.

Everyone was going to be fine.

Olivia wore that beautiful genuine smile, her eyes glimmering as her face lit up. She sat with the others, each joking with one another, their happiness lighting up the room.

Although she hadn't been cleared to come back to work, Olivia had been at the precinct with those she knew well. Nobody would say it, but they knew the familiarity of the place had her at peace.

He took a seat, careful not to disrupt the conversation.

"Captain, Captain, you can settle this. If Amaro took Stabler on, who would win?" Fin and the others turned to look at him as Elliot and Nick sat with matching grins.

Cragen shrugged. "It's a toss up." He shrugged.

"Oh come on." Munch challenged jokingly.

"I just got these two people to like each other. I don't want to stir it up again!" Cragen laughed with them all.

"Alright, alright." Fin put his hands up, surrendering he question and moving on.

The captain checked his watch as they put their last two cents in on the conversation.

"It's past 10:00. Don't you people ever sleep?" He smiled.

"We wonder that about you every morning we find you in hit his place at 7:00, already halfway through a pile of paperwork." Olivia replied with a chuckle.

"Well the answer is yes, I do sleep. And you guys need to too. So go home." He gave them each a nod and a smile as they stood, always answering his orders.

"We'll see you guys tomorrow." Cassidy said.

They all said individual farewells, an experience they'd never forget prompting them to always share a goodbye, even if they were to be apart for only a short time.

Life is too short to assume everything will be the same day after day, and each of them knew that now.

You have to remember to love the people you have while they're here: that's one thing the situation taught them all.

They didn't know for sure everyone would be coming back to work that next day. They didn't know when things could change. So they grabbed onto the small moments they had together and held on for dear life.

Olivia smiled at Elliot. He smiled back.

The most unexpected things can come from horrible situations. All she had to do was push through what she thought would suffocate her, and she had her life back.

Time slowed as they walked out, each following the next out the door. Their strength was unfailing as they dealt with the worst the world had to offer. Yet they stood, tall and ready to dive into that world with every breath they took.

The squad room became so small as they left, the lights of manhattan reflecting off the roof of the building. The night progressed, clawing its way over the city, swallowing it in darkness.

Back on the streets that they owned, the group of separated, only to hope they had a chance to see each other again.

They learned to live with a new thought in their minds: the one that says everything can change in the blink of an eye, so forgive often and love with all your heart. You never know when you may not have that chance again.

But they had that chance, a second one that they thought they might not have to laugh with Olivia, just to see her. And they planned to use it the way they hadn't thought to before.

The island glowed magnificently in its own world, the water reflecting the lights of the Brooklyn Bridge as the city continued to shrink. The lights blurred together as the buildings got small, coming together as one.

It would always be united - both the city and its people: the joyful and the fearless, and the few individuals who are both.

**Any thoughts? **

**Thanks for reading :)**


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